- Full Name: Professor Archibald Squishy-Trousers the Third
- Race: Sloth Plushie
- Date of Creation: 236002.24
- Gender: Male
- Telepathic status: E+ (Mr. Squishypants always feels your problems, and always knows the answer to them (a big, squishy hug.))
A handmade sloth with brown felt 'fur', a red face, and blue-and-white striped trousers with black braces. His nose, paws, and button-eyes are light blue.
- Creator: Mags Orman
- Mother: Katy Orman
- Adoptive Mother: Ash MacKenna
- Siblings: Lieutenant Colonel Cuddleson
- 236002.24: Sewn by Mags Orman for her daughter's birthday.
- 236003.11: Presented to the 1 year old Katy Orman as 'Professor Squishy-Trousers.'
- 236003.11, 4 hours later: Renamed 'Mr. Squishypants' due to young Katy's inability to pronounce the former name.
- 238601.10: Given to Katy's best friend Ash MacKenna for comfort when she was recovering from the loss of her hand.
- 238711.23: Gains a new brother, Lieutenant Colonel Cuddleson.