Helmsman's Song

"Helmsman's Song" is a song sung by cadets in Starfleet Academy and by Ensign Loran "Peachies" Reven. Time of creation, the lyrics and melody makers are unknown. The song is most popular with helm majors. The original is made of three verses and a refrain following each part. There are many different versions and offshoots and cadets frequently add their own parts, often vulgar. It is commonly performed at campus parties.

Lyrics

• From a popular version

When you pick up from the crust
Thrust is a must
And when you get up high
Impulse is your guide
And if you want to reach your destination still alive
Make sure that you have warp drive

Faster than light
No left or right
Faster than light
No left or right

When you hit a narrow pass
Throw a shuttle up that valley
So said Hollis Calley
He did
And if you want to get the lasses really like a pro
You have to be HCO

Faster than light
No left or right
Faster than light
No left or right

When you crashland on a planet
Be sure do it with a Janet
Fuel's leaking your canister
You need lady not a mister
And when you're only seconds from a really mean warp breach
Grab a girl you would like to teach

That
Faster than light
No left or right
Faster than light
No left or right (encore)