SIM:Lt. Commander Velana - Deserted Rose
San Francisco
238406.30
For a Northern California evening, it was surprisingly pleasant to be outdoors. The moon was full, a luminous orb protecting Earth, and the salty scent of the Pacific Ocean combined with the heavy flower of night-blooming jasmine to perfume the air.
Without a cloud darkening the sky, it was the sort of atmosphere for which the weather modification grid had been invented...to the great appreciation of Starfleet Academy's latest graduating class, in particular the brand-new ensign who had rented out the balcony garden of the city's nicest hotel.
Under a blanket of stars, with the cool breeze making no impact on his carefully-constructed, tousled hair, Cade Whitman lifted his glass. "To the class of 2384."
Raising her own champagne flute, Velana echoed the toast. "To the future."
Their eyes remained locked, even as they both took a sip. When she lowered her glass, Cade smiled, but it didn't quite reach his eyes. "We made it, darlin'."
No matter how many times he did it, her heart always jumped a bit when he employed such terms of endearment. "You did," Velana corrected him. "I still have a ways to go."
Cade lifted his shoulder, dismissing her logic. "The hard part's over." He reached for her hand across the pristine white tablecloth. "You're gonna be the best damn doctor in the fleet."
She lowered her gaze. "You think so?"
"I know so." Catching her chin in his free hand, he tilted it up. "You want proof?" Rolling up the sleeve of his dark blue shirt, Cade stuck out his muscled arm and pointed to the spot where a year earlier she had closed up a deep gash he'd sustained during a training exercise. "No scar...nothing. Like it never happened."
Tucking a lock of hair behind her pointed ear, Velana granted him a tiny smile. "All right," she decided. "I believe you."
He nodded in satisfaction and turned his attention to the menu. But Velana's mind wasn't on food. It wasn't even on the amazing scene he had set for their private celebration. It was on the reason for all of this...the garden, the moon, the champagne.
Was Cade going to ask her to marry him?
Her slender fingers trembled slightly as she picked up her menu; the paper felt like the finest velvet after so many years of handling PADD's and tricorders. There were dozens of options and a replicator waiting to make any one of them for her, but she set the menu back down a second later.
Cade glanced up at her. "You okay?"
"I'm fine. All of this...it's beautiful, Cade. It really is." She took another sip of champagne. "I'm just not very hungry.
He closed up his menu and sat back in his chair, studying her. "Have I mentioned how gorgeous you look tonight?"
She reached up, unconsciously brushing back a curled tendril of hair from her cheek. "Your judgment can't be trusted; you've said the same thing to me after two hours of combat training."
"And I've meant it every time." Velana blinked when he suddenly rose to his feet. "I know what we need." Offering her his hand, he spoke to the computer console that was carefully hidden in the garden that surrounded them. "Computer, load Music Program Whitman-One."
There was a mechanical beep of acknowledgment and then the first tell-tale notes of the song he had long since decided was "theirs," as if by being in a relationship, they somehow owned a 400 year old tune.
"Cade, I don't..."
"Vee. C'mon." He wriggled his outstretched fingers. "Dance with me."
He knew she was going to give in before she did; there were very few things she'd ever been able to deny him. Pushing back her chair, Velana stood and placed her hand in his, allowing him to guide her away from the table.
"You realize that this song is not ideal for..."
Her dress whispered around her legs as Cade drew her against his body with one large hand splayed against her bare back, effectively silencing her half-hearted protest. Even in heeled shoes, he was an inch or two taller than her. Following his lead, Velana ducked under his arm as he spun her around beneath the stars, only to pull her close again.
"I've never understood the term 'Desert Rose,'" she observed as they turned in circles, their bodies never losing contact. Cade chuckled, his breath tickling the tip of her ear, making her clutch his shoulder harder. "Is there a variety of rose that grows in the desert?"
"Maybe. Botany's your thing, Vee." He stroked the line of her spine. "This song just reminds me of you for some reason." He paused. "It'll always make me think about you."
It wouldn't do any good to remind him that not only had she never seen Vulcan's deserts, she didn't much care for the ones she'd seen on Earth. Once Cade made up his mind about something, there was very little that could be said or done to change it.
Velana pulled back a bit, but he stopped her mouth with his before she could speak. Closing her eyes, she melted into his arms, savoring the feeling of his lips on hers.
Breaking the kiss, Cade cupped her face in his hands; his forehead pressed against her dark fringe of bangs. "You are my desert rose," he murmured. "I just want you to know that."
"Cade." She lifted her chin to brush another kiss across his mouth. "Can we go?" Her palm slid down the hard plane of his chest. "Now?"
There was a strange expression on his face, but he brought her wrap from the table and led her down the rooftop stairs.
When they reached the room he'd reserved, they wasted no timing coming together, but something was missing, some undefinable element that had always been there before. Velana tried to ignore it, tried to focus on the feel of his hands, his lips, his body, yet she couldn't overlook the fact that not once while they were joined did Cade look her in the eye.
"Velana?"
His husky voice roused her out of a light doze. She'd loved that sound, ever since she'd first heard it during the two intense nights that had started their relationship. And even though her pon farr had long since passed, he still managed to heat her blood just by saying her name.
Without opening her eyes, she turned her head against the pillow just enough to acknowledge the man lying behind her. "Hmm?"
The sheets rustled as Cade propped himself up on his elbow. "You made a toast earlier, to the future." He dipped his head, pressing his lips against the jagged scar on her arm. Again, she mumbled her sleepy agreement. "When you think about the future...what do you see?"
Velana's eyes slowly opened. Frowning, she turned all the way onto her back in order to look up at him. "What do you mean?"
"Just what I said."
The grave expression on his face planted a fresh seed of worry in the center of her heart. "I don't..." Velana shifted up the bed, against the pillows, bringing the sheet with her for modesty. "What do you see?"
Cade ran his tongue around the inside of his mouth, like he always did when he was stalling for time. "I see myself in command of my own ship." He tried to smile, but it was weak. "While I still have all my hair."
There was a moment of silence. "Is that all you see?" Velana finally asked. He glanced away. "Cade?"
"Do you know how much it takes to make captain? How much you have to sacrifice?" He shook his head. "I love you, Vee. You know that. But..." He stopped, sitting up all the way with his back to her.
"But?" she whispered.
"Captain Crawford offered me a commission on the Washington...and I took it." Cade glanced at her. "I'm sorry."
Holding the sheet to her chest, Velana sat up. "We knew this was going to happen. I still have my internship and you..."
"Long-distance is one thing, but we're talking half a quadrant here. It's different. I just don't think it's fair to either of us to hold onto," he gestured back and forth between them, "this." Seconds ticked by like hours. "Don't hate me, but it's...it's not logical."
Velana visibly flinched. Her whole body, so recently warm and relaxed, now felt stiff and cold. Drained of blood. Drained of everything.
"You have been so important to me," Cade rushed on. "More than any woman I've ever known. You have to believe that this is killing me, too, Vee. It really is. And maybe someday when you're chief medical officer and I'm commanding the Enterprise or something...we can be together again."
She hadn't moved so much as a muscle the entire time he was speaking. When she finally spoke, her own voice sounded foreign to her ears. "Is this..." Her throat closed up and she had to start over. "Is this because you want children? We can have children, Cade. It won't be easy, but..."
"It's not that." Cade reached out and cupped her cheek; her lashes fluttered at the touch of his hand. "This is the right decision. For both of us. Whether you see it now or not."
Velana stared at him; some of the numbness had started to fade away, allowing the first trickles of an oncoming tidal wave of emotion to leak through. "So...the garden on the roof, the champagne, the dancing..."
"These have been the best two years of my life," Cade said. "I wanted to end them with a celebration."
"And coming here?" Her eyes narrowed. "Was that part of the plan, too?"
"That was your idea," he reminded her, drawing his hand back.
Velana could feel the anger bubbling up from the pit of her stomach. If she looked at him any longer, she was going to explode.
"Just...leave." Cade tried to reach out to her again, but she jerked away. "I said leave!"
"It doesn't have to end like..."
"If you don't leave right now," her tone was so suddenly calm that it was dangerous, "I won't be responsible for what I might do."
It worked. He lowered his arm to his side. She closed her eyes, refusing to watch him climb off the bed in order to retrieve his clothes. There was a rustle of fabric as he dressed.
At the door to her room, Cade sighed. "I'll miss you, Vee." She heard the door slide open. "Good luck with...everything." And then, he was gone.
For the first time in a very long time, Velana wished she could suppress her emotions. Whatever it took not to feel the raw, aching pain that had twisted itself throughout her body...she would have done it gladly.
She'd experienced loss, more so than most, but this was a different kind of pain.
Your father was my mate, Velana. She could recall her mother's words as if T'Lan had spoken them only the day before. There will never be another for me.
But her mate wasn't dead. He just wasn't Vulcan.
It took great effort for her to force her eyes open. She didn't want to see the empty side of the bed or the impression in the pillow that he'd left behind.. When she finally did look, two tears slipped down her cheeks; she brushed them away with her knuckles.
Rising from the bed, she went to the bathroom and turned the old-fashioned shower on so hot that steam almost immediately filled the air. Standing at the mirror, she stared at her foggy reflection until she couldn't stand the sight of her own eyes, so lost and weak.
Her hand struck the glass with a force great enough to shatter her image. Blood coursed down her wrist in green rivers as she pulled it back, cradling her injured palm against her chest.
Blood and tears...she would never give Cade Whitman any more of herself ever again.
Lt. Commander Velana
Chief Medical Officer
USS Mercury