SIM:JP: Lt. Solaris McLaren & Sinda Essen - Lost & Found

(( Starbase 104 - Southend Station - Promenade ))

Sol stepped onto the promenade and glanced around. It had been years since she was aboard this station. She hadn't seen the Constitution docked, which meant it was on a mission, much like she was. This had been the last place she had seen Essen, but it was a huge station so it was unlikely she would just find her.

Sol idly walked down the promenade, just taking her time to plan out just how she wanted to search. She stopped at a shop window, looking, but not really seeing the items in it. A face flashed by in the reflection of the window, causing Sol to turn quickly. That face she knew, it still resided in her dreams and memories. Red eyes scanned the crowd looking for that slightly hunched over walk and long raven coloured hair. She pushed her way through the crowd, eyes settling on the figure she sought. Hope upon hopes the next word out of her mouth wouldnt make her look like a crazy person.

McLaren: Essen!

:: Sinda Essen yawned as she hefted the weighty package under her arm. It was late-morning by station time, but she’d never been much of a morning person. Which was helpful when she was busy running evening classes. She was heading from the post room back towards her gymnasium when someone called her name. A name she hadn’t heard in a year from anyone other than her sister. Her real name. A brief thrill of fear shot through her as she stopped mid-stride and turned around. And there she was, in the middle of the milling crowd, a face Ess hadn’t expected to ever see again. Ess took a breath and swallowed before she replied, her mouth suddenly dry. ::

Sinda: I think you have me confused with someone else. My name is Char. Kalem Char.

:: She kept her voice level and dispassionate. ::

McLaren: :: Sol blinked, taking only a moment to process what was happening. :: My apologies… you look so much like a long lost love of mine...

:: Essen looked around - a Bolian garden cafe was opening its doors to the early lunch crowd nearby. Ess gestured towards it. ::

Sinda: Perhaps you’re thinking of joining my self defense class? In which case we should talk business?

McLaren: Yes… I think that would be a good idea…

Sol followed “Kalem” toward the cafe, keeping most of the confusion off her face. If Essen had changed her name she probably hadn't wanted to be found. Thank the Goddess for blind luck then. She took a seat at a corner table, choosing to allow Essen the one that let her see the whole room.

Sinda: So, you found me. Congratulations. Why don’t you just say what you’re doing here and be on your way.

Sol kept her voice low.

McLaren: What am I doing here? I would think that obvious… looking for you.

Sinda: Then I need to do a better job of hiding.

McLaren: How is your sister, by the way?

:: Ess hesitated before answering. Lojah was the only family Ess had left, and the reason why she was here on this station and not still a Starfleet Officer. If anyone else had come asking, Essen would have feigned ignorance before booking passage on the first transport out of there. But this was different. ::

Sinda: She’s… she’s doing well.

Sol smiled.

McLaren: That's good. I'm glad.

Sinda: Why did you have to come looking, Sol? You know this won’t end well for either of us.

Sol couldn’t believe the question.

McLaren: Why? :: Sol paused. :: You disappeared. I knew you had to take care of your sister… and I wouldn't have told you not to… but you disappeared...

Sinda: Yeah, well, stealing a shuttle, invading Cardassian space and kidnapping one of their citizens were hardly the actions of an upstanding Chief of Security. If I hadn’t gone AWOL they’d have thrown me in the brig, and then Lojah would have been on her own. Or, worse, hauled off back to Cardassia.

Sol nodded. She knew very well what could have happened to Essen. She had willingly covered for her unauthorized trip to Cardassia. There was still the possibility Starfleet could come after her for it, if Captain Rajel saw fit to mention it.

McLaren: I know… I’m just as complicit in that trip as you are...

:: Ess folded her arms, her black eyes staring into Sol’s red ones. ::

Sinda: Is that why you’re really here? You going to call in some security squad to arrest me?

Sol couldn't mask the genuine hurt that she felt from hearing that. She shook her head, returning Essen’s gaze. At the same time, she couldn’t blame Essen for being at least a little suspicious.

McLaren: No. I wouldn't do that… I couldn’t do that. :: Sol took a moment, forcing back the feeling of hurt :: Not to you, and not to your sister… Starfleet doesn't even know Im here. I'm on shore leave.

:: Essen chewed her lip and was silent a while before she replied. She knew she was being unreasonable, after everything Sol had done, everything they had shared. But Ess ruined lives, especially her own, and pushing people away was the best way to protect them from her. And, in Essen’s experience, it was easy to push people away if they hated you. ::

Sinda: Shoreleave? I heard you’d transferred off the Conny. So this isn’t your usual neighbourhood any more.

Sol laughed, partly in an attempt to make the conversation seem more casual to any onlookers.

McLaren: You really don't know why I came? Why I even bothered to travel all the way here from 118?

:: Ess swallowed. Actually, she had a very good idea why Sol had tracked her down. And at the same time it was both the last thing she wanted to hear, yet also the one thing she longed for more than anything in the galaxy. Not trusting herself to speak, Ess waited for Solaris to continue. ::

McLaren: Essen… I’ve always been straight with you… never bothered to hide my feelings. :: Cards on the table time. :: I love you, Essen. It's been that way since that night we went bowling on Starbase 11...

Sol’s heart was beating in her ears. She had just admitted something that had the chance to destroy that which she hoped for. But she wasn't going to beat around the bush, not with Essen. Not with something so important.

:: Ess squeezed her eyes shut and lowered her head, her voice quiet. ::

Sinda: You’re serious?

McLaren: Of course I'm serious! I wouldn't have traveled all the way out here, with only a slim chance of even finding you, if I weren't serious.

Sinda: No. ::Ess looked up, her face a mask, her voice firm:: No, you’re wrong, Sol. You don’t love me, nobody does. Nobody can.

Sol reached across the table and took one of Essen’s hands in hers.

McLaren: Ess… you’re forgetting who you're talking to… you know it's possible…

Sinda: What is there to love? I abandoned my post, turned my back on my crew. Foster, Rajel, you… everyone who cared about me.

McLaren: And had you done it flagrantly for no reason, Im sure they would be angry… but you left for your family… and I doubt there's a person on the Constitution that would hold it against you. :: She glanced around. :: And given that I'm here, I'm certainly not.

Sinda: Dammit Solaris!

:: Ess thumped the table making the cutlery rattle. The other cafe patrons gave her a startled look but she ignored them. ::

Sol didnt care what the other patrons thought. She kept her gaze on Essen.

Sinda: You don’t get it, do you? I will let you down, I will make you hurt. Because that’s what I do.

McLaren: I get it. I just don’t care. :: Sol grinned. :: Life is far too short, and far too full of unknowns for me to consider that a deal breaker.

Sinda: So you’re not worried I’ll just disappear again?

Sol shook her head.

McLaren: No… I'm not worried. Not worried about being hurt or let down. Because that's what love is, Essen… it's the ability to look past that… to see the person for who they are, and not just the sum of their actions alone.

Sol gave Eseen’s hand a gentle squeeze, lifting it up to kiss the back of it.

McLaren: I've seen the side of you that you keep hidden behind this veneer of pain and anger, and I liked what I saw. :: She paused. :: We spent a night together… you can't so easily hide it from me anymore… so I’m gonna say it again: I love you, Sinda Essen.

:: Essen stared at her in disbelief. This pale-skinned Terran hybrid with the white hair and red eyes had called her bluff. This incredible, persistent, stubborn woman. And then the flood of emotions came, almost overwhelming her. Ess felt the tears stinging her eyes. ::

Sinda: Solaris McLaren, why do you have to be so damned positive about everything?

Sol smiled.

McLaren: Ess… life is hard enough to navigate alone. There’s pitfalls everywhere… so what do you say we navigate it together?

:: Ess bit her lip again, but this time there was no automatic flash of anger, no defensive attempt to push Sol away. Her shields were down - Sol was right, she was one of the few people who had seen through Essen’s defences. Instead, she carefully considered what Sol was suggesting. ::

Sinda: I… would like that. But can we? You could get in trouble just for talking to me. And I’ve hurt you once.

Sol laughed.

McLaren: I was willing to drop everything and follow you to Cardassia… and even when you told me to stay… I covered it up for you… do you really think ‘getting in trouble’ has ever factored into this?

Sinda: I wanted you on that shuttle to Cardassia with me, but I was scared what would would happen if we were discovered. So I left you behind, and I’ve not stopped leaving you since. And, yeah, I regret that. More than anything. ::she paused and gave Sol’s hand a squeeze in return:: I’m so scared of losing people, so I keep them distant. But you got closer than anyone, Sol.

:: A single tear ran down her grey cheek and dropped to the tabletop. ::

Sol reached up and brushed the tear away from Essen’s face, smiling fondly.

McLaren: I know. :: Two words which answered everything Essen had just said. She leaned in closer, grinning. :: And I’ll get closer still…

Sinda: Now that’s starting to sound like some sort of...

Sol didn't let Essen finish her sentence, leaning in the rest of the way to kiss her. It was a kiss just like the one they had shared on Starbase 11, during the last frame of their game of bowling. Passionate and aggressive, backed with the years of held back feelings. She didn't care that they were in the middle of a cafe, where anyone could see. It just didn't matter. At that moment it was just the two of them.

She sat back after a moment, surprised at herself that she had done it, and yet not unhappy with the decision at all.

:: Essen stayed put for a full minute, her eyes closed as she savoured the kiss, her mind racing. Finally, she opened her eyes and looked at the woman opposite her. ::

Sinda: You make a pretty convincing argument.

Sol grinned.

McLaren: I have my moments...

Sinda: I don’t know what happens next. You once told me why I don’t make plans, and I don’t intend to start now.

Sol nodded, understanding what she meant.

McLaren: It wouldn't be fair for me to ask you to uproot your life here and come back to 118 with me all of a sudden… oO no matter how much I want exactly that… Oo, but I will say this… If you want to come back I can talk to Captain Taybrim… be there when you arrive… and help explain everything…

:: Essen shook her head slowly. ::

Sinda: Back to Starfleet? I don’t know. Maybe, eventually, but not yet. I’m not ready.

Sol grinned, nodding. She understood.

McLaren: In the meantime… I have about a week’s worth of leave left… :: She gently took Essen’s hand again. :: And I can't think of a better way than to spend it with you.

Sinda: ::laughing:: Ok, you win. My pessimism can’t compete with your positivity. Well, while we’re here, why don’t we start with breakfast? And then I’ll let Lojah know you’re here.

Sol nodded, liking the sound of that very much. She hadn't expected to find Essen this quickly, but was happy she had. Something once lost was now found again and a friendship had been rekindled.

McLaren: That sounds like a great way to start. I can’t wait to hear about what you've been up to...

---

Lieutenant Solaris McLaren

Intelligence Officer

Starbase 118 Ops

C239210SM0

&

Sinda Essen simmed by;

Ensign Loxley

Medical Officer

USS Gorkon

R238401JT0