SIM:Anya Scotch Lullabies
((Captain’s Quarters, USS Victory))
::Anya watched him carefully as he moved and sat before she found a place for herself nearby. Shifting around for a few minutes trying to figure out what to say, she finally decided that it would be good to refocus on him rather than the thoughts that were filling her own head. Instead, she replayed what he’d just said over in her head before finally responding.::
Anya: ::Softly.:: You don’t have to be alone...
::She said it almost before realizing she said it, but quickly got on another track.::
Anya: Why a rough day?
::He shook his head sheepishly and diverted his gaze.::
Daniels: I don't know... I guess I just had my confidence shaken pretty badly and I don't know what to do about it.
::Concern etched across her face and immediately her mind started trying to work it out. Who’d done what, and where, and how.::
Anya: Because you weren’t on the bridge during the crisis? Something to do with work?
::Shaking his head again he gestured at his new red uniform and up to the new full pip on his collar.::
Daniels: Not career-wise, I actually just got the damn promotion that I left the base hoping to get and didn't, the one that could've avoided this whole mess.
::She frowned slightly, her mind working on overdrive. This obviously was bothering him, but she couldn’t tell why. It was that inability that was bothering her. The overwhelming need to fix this, and alleviate the pain, sent her mind into spirals all over again. Her voice got soft again.::
Anya: Well then, what could have shaken you like this?
::Colt paused for a moment, unsure if he wanted to bring her into this, it was very unusual for him to open up to anyone. But, whether it was because of how comfortable he felt with her or the unintended effects of the real alcohol that was driving his openness, he couldn’t be sure.::
::With a small sigh, he launched into his explanation.::
Daniels: I don’t know... She called me into her office today, to thank me for the whole...assassination thing I guess. She didn’t have to do that. But...I did something stupid. I guess I just had to try, I had to make sure that there wasn’t anything left between us.
::He figured he didn’t need to elaborate on who “she” was and after a moment finished the story..::
Daniels:: She made it abundantly clear that there wasn’t. ::He looked up at the woman sitting nearby, feeling bad for including her in this.:: It wasn’t that I expected anything different, but it was like she didn’t even have to consider it.
::She could almost see where he was going with all of this, and so, she looked away, finding a nice point on the floor to stare at until he was done. A lot of history played through her head much like the dimming old holovids from earlier. Still looking at the floor, she frowned.::
Anya: That’s because she didn’t. ::Shrugging slightly.:: You left.
::And she hadn’t been willing to try. For that, Anya was still angry at her twin, but after a night of deeper thoughts, she ultimately figured out just what had happened. But he’d found that out the hard way and it just became another thing she’d not been able to save him from. Despite there being no cause for it, or reason, she found the frustration and even anger with her twin boiling over.::
::Colt’s mouth fell open for a second, as he tried to understand, to see things from her point of view. He knew that what he had done was wrong, and he had done everything he could do to make up for it. It obviously wasn’t enough.::
Daniels: I know I did. It was stupid, a mistake. I’ve tried so hard to make it right, I just don’t know what else I could’ve done...I don’t know why she wouldn’t just try.
::Refocusing on the voice, and the question, she tried to come up with an answer of some kind, but wondered if her sister would really like everything spilling out into the open with other officers. A sigh escaped her and she looked at him, desperate to do something. Finally she just got up and moved closer.::
Anya: It’s just a thing she has. A rule. Probably because of something that happened before.
::The words felt almost abrasive, like salt on a fresh wound. After everything they’d been through, he was disqualified on a technicality? It just didn’t make sense to him. But that wasn’t completely fair, he knew that what he had done had hurt her, he just hadn’t known how badly.::
Daniels: A rule? That’s just... ::He took a deep breath and collected himself:: It’s fine, it’s the past. I just wasn’t expecting to get rejected so spectacularly.
::And once again, she felt helpless despite the overwhelming need to do or say something. Yet all she could manage was almost nothing.::
Anya: I’m sorry.
::There was something in her words that told him that she meant them, and in some way it did help, to know that she cared. He suddenly felt bad for unloading all of his problems on her. He furrowed his brow slightly and tried to apologize.::
Daniels: No, I’m sorry I came here to make sure you were ok, not seek some free counseling. Sorry Anya.
::His eyes met hers as he tried to convey the same reassuring sense of caring she had projected to him.::
Daniels: So anyway, about you. ::He gestured to the room as whole:: They really had you shut up in here all day?
Anya: ::Nodding.:: Yea, but it wasn’t all bad. I learned some stuff, and did some stuff. ::She paused and sighed.:: But then it got quiet and you know how your mind runs off with you... ::Again, she quickly changed the subject.:: Where were you anyways?
::Colt scowled a little and rose to his feet, frustrated that she had been confined to quarters while he and the rest of the staff had been off at a party. After pacing around for a moment, he took a seat next to her on the couch.::
::Apparently her quick change of subject hadn’t been enough though. He’d picked up on it, she could tell by the way he moved and paced. It seemed that he was angry, in a manner of speaking. Anya could put pieces together and assume she understood, but ultimately she knew that for now, she was probably far more trouble than her twin wanted out and around.::
Daniels: I’m sorry about that. I had to get up very early this morning to take care of some things and you weren’t awake yet, otherwise I might have argued about that decision.
Anya: ::Shrugging.:: It’s okay. I get it.
::He was much closer now, and she was very much aware of that. Having given up watching him, afraid of where her mind would take her with him right there, she stared downwards and regained some level of focus.::
::He leaned back into the comfortable couch and listened to what she said. He had been right in his assessment that coming here and spending time with her, no matter what the subject of their conversations, was much better than sitting in his quarters dwelling on the events of the day.::
Daniels: So, you said that you had something on your mind? ::Finally feeling a little better about things, he offered her a warm smile.:: I think it’s my turn to listen...
Anya: ::Waving her hand dismissively.:: I said someone, and it’s nothing.
::It wasn’t nothing, but being that she wasn’t sure just what it was, she really didn’t know what to say about it. How did you go to someone and simply tell them they’ve invaded your mind for the entire day? No, she couldn’t explain it, not to him.::
::Colt raised an eyebrow as he remembered her exact words. She had said “someone” and was almost certain that it wasn’t “nothing”. His confidence was still too wounded to entertain the idea that it might be him she was thinking about, so he pressed her for more details.::
Daniels: You’ve got someone on your mind, and you can’t stop thinking about them? ::The corner of his mouth turned up in mild smirk:: That doesn’t really sound like “nothing” to me.
::Frowning, Anya found herself boring a hole in the floor with her stare. Almost frozen, a million thoughts tumbled around in her head. There was what she wanted, which she was apt to go after knowing that he very existence could be over soon, and then there was something new that had been developing, an extreme need not to hurt him more than he’d been hurt.::
Anya: I just... It’s strange. I uh, I don’t know what to think. ::and she realized that if she remained so vague, he might just keep at it. She
sighed.:: There are lots of things I feel and think that don’t make much sense right now. ::It was a sentiment he could certainly identify with. Since Anya had come into his life he had been dealing with all manner of feelings that didn’t make sense to him. In the short time that he had known her, after she had revealed who she really was, his desire to protect her and and make her happy had been almost instinctual. At first he had written them off as misguided feelings for her “twin sister” but as recent events had shown, his feelings for them existed as independently as the two women did.::
Daniels: You know, that’s not really fair. ::He nudged her arm jokingly:: I actually told you what was on my mind, rather than make you try and guess it.
::Risking a look towards him, she found herself somewhat caught. It had been a bad idea to look up from the floor, but that had been what happened. Now she couldn’t manage to tear her eyes away.::
Anya: I just keep thinking of things, events, ::Shrugging.:: Actions... that wouldn’t be... so bad to repeat.
::And then she felt freed and her eyes returned to the floor.::
::He wasn’t sure if it was the lingering influence of his inebriation or just his own general obtuseness that had prevented him from seeing it before, but he immediately understood what she had been getting at. He too had gone over what had happened in the office, just before the attack, trying to understand the implications and wondering what it would be like to do it again, knowing what he knew now.::
::Now slightly flustered, he sat up a little from his relaxed position on the couch.::
Daniels: So...It’s me? I didn’t think that... ::He tried to collect himself again, but it didn’t seem to help:: I just thought that you...
::But no words came, he just stared into her blue eyes and nodded slowly. Without giving himself time to wonder if he’d misinterpreted, or made a mistake, he leaned towards her and placed a kiss softly on her lips, before pulling himself back and reacquiring her gaze.::
Daniels: Me too.
::Anya’s eyelids fluttered a bit before she was able to open her eyes again. And even then, it took a moment for the vertigo to wash over her and leave the room still again. But when it all was said and done, she found herself lost in his eyes and frozen in place.::
::Something deep down was telling her what to expect and what to do, but the voice was so distant that she couldn’t hear it. Instead, she found herself wanting and completely unsure at the same time. Acting on what she wanted had caused trouble, but the feeling was so intense she didn’t know what was right. There were definitive instincts, but was she supposed to let them lead her? After what seemed like forever, lost there, she finally was able to speak softly.::
Anya: What’s this... feeling. ::Shaking her head.:: What’s it mean? Do I go after what I want?
::It was the same question he had asked himself moments before, and his mind had answered with a resounding yes. Was he certain that it was the best or the safest idea? No. Was he sure that they wouldn’t end up hurting each other? He couldn’t possibly know. He only knew that he was tired of playing it safe, and if she was on board, he wanted to see where this strange ride they had started together that night in the Captain’s office would go.::
Daniels: Why not? We are sitting here in a giant example of someone going after “what they wanted”. ::He reached out and took her hand in his:: It’s an undertaking that can lead to amazing success, spectacular failure, and everything in between. But, me? I’ll take my chances.
::She blinked at him, obviously thinking and letting things soak in. Take a chance... on her? It felt so strange, but so welcome all at the same time. No longer could she stop the smile from appearing.::
Anya: Trouble tends to follow, where I do what I want. But, this is so much more than anything before...
::Her voice trailed off, and she found herself unable to put it into words. Thankfully, he filled the void.::
::He couldn’t believe how forward he was being, it was so unlike him. Maybe he just felt this strongly about it or maybe his inhibitions were still lowered just enough to prevent him from second guessing himself. Whatever the cause, he felt certain that he was doing what he wanted and he wasn’t afraid.::
Daniels: If that’s what you want, then damn the consequences. Nothing is guaranteed. Let’s just live.
::He let his hand brush her cheek softly, waiting for his next opportunity to kiss her again, hoping with every action that he wasn’t overstepping his bounds.::
::It was an interesting choice of words he’d used, and the deeper meaning was apparent to her even if it wasn’t to him. Live. She smirked. It was as good of an idea as any. No, it was far better. For a moment, thoughts of potential disaster, or even completely understanding what was going on, she thought it wasn’t a bad idea to follow his advice.::
Anya: That could lead to big trouble....
::Slowly, she got closer to him.::
::He shot her a look of feigned concern, before allowing it to fade into a devious grin. He wasn’t concerned with whatever kind of trouble could result from this. That was a problem for “Future Colt” to worry about.::
Daniels: I’ve been in trouble before, I’m not worried about it. Are you?
::Still smirking, she shook her head and finally let go of the worry. And for a moment, it seemed like half of her experiences melted into the background like shadows chased away by the bright light of a sun.::
Anya: What I want... ::her smirk grew into a grin.:: is you.
::With all the permission he needed, Colt reached out and drew her closer to him, kissing her passionately. The insurmountable tension that he had felt between them since he had first met her burned fast and hot like an ethanol fire. His large, unsteady hands found a place on either side of her waist and steadied themselves as they traced the outline of her shapely form, eventually coming to rest on the small of her back and the side of her ribs. Their lips parted momentarily, long enough for him to whisper a response to her earlier statement.::
Daniels: What I need is you.
::There was a growing depth to the longing feelings bombarding her, yet her thoughts still got stuck where they considered if it was right to let every wall fall and let herself follow the path of instinctual response. It was what she wanted, the growing desire was a testament to that, but she still found herself trying to work out just what was going on, at least in her own mind. Ever since the incident, she’d grown protective of this man and had, more than once, begged whatever was out in the universe to have let her stand in her sister’s shoes. She’d thought he was in love with her, especially knowing the intimate details of what had passed between them, but she also knew that she couldn’t change her stance.::
::As for Anya, it was simply different. Over and over in her head, she’d considered just how she was different before realizing that she’d discovered a vast amount of differences between them, their base feelings, and even their reactions. Anya’s father hadn’t done what Kali’s had done to her because, quite simply, she didn’t have the benefit of one. Rather than be raised by a family, Anya had been created and imprinted with morals and thoughts that had come from one person, but began to ‘settle’ over time as the divergent real world experiences took their toll.::
::Now, here she was, in a place that she could not compare to anything in her recent memories, or in the deeper recollections of Kali’s life. Though there were events Anya knew of, their brief imprintation in her mind left her so that everything was being experienced for the first time. And in a way, it was scary, but the feel of his hands and the warmth of his body were both reassuring and tantalizing. His words only served to pull her further in. Matching his whisper, she smirked slightly.::
Anya: Then I’m yours.
::Leaning towards her again he eased her back to lay on the couch, brushing her hair away from her neck as he did. He brought his lips to the side of her face, starting his kisses at her jawline and continuing them softly down her neck as he reoriented his body to match the angle of her own. Worried that he was moving too fast, he pulled away from her neck where he had been kissing and stared down at the beautiful image of a woman before him.::
Daniels: I’m not holding anything back, so tell me if I’ve gone to far...
::When the shockwaves that ran through her stopped and told her he’d pulled back and was looking at her, she forced her eyes to open and look into his. Now she thought she was understanding more of these feelings, and these thoughts. There was an overwhelming desire to feel him against her, and to let herself melt into the touch of his fingertips and his lips. Fluttery feelings raced through her and pushed her towards the edge of no return. He was there in front of her waiting, she hoped, to catch her. It was all so new, and so incredibly intense, making it impossible for her to stop even if she wanted to.::
::For a moment, time slowed and Anya, completely lost in the eyes that looked down at her, considered the ledge. It was more difficult than just choosing to jump or not; she was facing a moment that could potentially have a lasting effect on many things. In the space of a millisecond, thoughts of what Kali would think, what Cody would think, and what they all would say about it all. But more importantly, thoughts of her feelings towards this man in the here and now danced in her mind. So much over the past few days she’d wished she could give him what Kali had been unable, or unwilling. So often she’d wanted to hold him and protect him however she, the little matrix based clone, could.::
::Now she was presented with not only that chance, but the chance to experience something new, amazing, and in her mind, quite desirable. Too far? No, she would follow this through no only because her instincts were leading her quickly in that direction, but because she was not her sister. She would go after what she wanted and learn from the mistakes that others had made. Connections, despite what some would say, were rare in the universe. This was one connection she had sought after and now only wanted more of.::
Anya: There isn’t such a thing.
::And with that said, she let her fingers roam, finally giving into the urge she’d fought off earlier. Even that sent shivers through her as she focused on him and nothing else. Thoughts of what Kali would say faded, as did everything else. All that existed was this feeling that sent energy coursing through her and the tiny shocks that came with every touch. Control, had there been any, was lost to the wind and instinct, desire, and the lust for those amazing successes he spoke about took over. Her fingers found and unzipped his jacket, bringing his warmth ever closer, and sending her already ramped up desires to an even higher level.::
::He had hardly processed her words, when she seemed to be unable to restrain herself, her hands played across his body in ways that gave him goosebumps and made him shudder a little. All the while they alternated between kissing and breathing, Colt couldn't believe that it was all playing out like this, he couldn't believe how lucky he was, to have this amazing woman literally appear from out of the blue and integrate herself into his life. Some of the last thoughts from the logical part of his mind were of the complications could arise from pushing a relationship to this point, but it was too late now, his heart and his body already committed to the events to come and with one final failed protest, all remnants of logic were put to rest for the night in favor of emotion and instinct.::
::He felt her hands find the zipper of his uniform jacket, which she promptly liberated him of as he felt the warmth of her soft hands running across the bare skin of his chest. He felt her hand run across the newly formed scar on his side, where it seemed to dwell before they continued their routine with renewed ferocity. His hands blazed new paths as well, and It wasn't long before the building anticipation reached critical mass for Colt.::
::All at once he rose to his feet, tossing the uniform jacket that had been hanging from one arm aside, and reached out to take Anya's hand. He pulled her up off of the couch and they made their way clumsily towards the sleeping quarters, crashing into walls in flurries of passionate kissing that stalled progress and navigating through the furniture without paying any attention to the obstacles. The man and the woman who had forged their unconventional relationship in the fires of hardship and pain tumbled into the bedroom and the doors shut behind them, leaving a trail of disheveled furniture and hastily discarded garments in their wake.::
::By tomorrow things would be completely different, of that they could both be certain.::
Bioholomatrix Clone of the Captain
Starbase 118 / USS Victory
As simmed by Captain Kalianna Nicholotti
Lt. Colt Daniels
Return to Kalianna Nicholotti