SIM:Anya Hellfire and Fury
((Main Sickbay, USS Victory))
::Once again they were met with strange looks as the two identical looking officers, one of whom was the Captain, moved into the main room of sickbay. Feeling her blood boil, Kali quickly caught up with her double. All thoughts of the sentience argument fell into the abyss as she grabbed her arm and turned her towards her. Face to face, Kali's eyes narrowed.::
Nicholotti: What *are* you doing?
::The duplicate pulled her arm away in a motion of indignant rage. She didn't hold back or keep the thoughts inside this time, but spit words that dripped with fury and, perhaps, a hatred more recently developed. Anya couldn't contain the emotions anymore, and so, with the catalyst of confrontation, she had no problem finally letting things spill over. She backed up as she spoke, her voice steadily getting louder as she did.::
Anya: What you should have done. What he deserves!
::Kali shook her head. This wasn't happening.::
Nicholotti: What he deserves is not this.
::There was a steadily growing anger, and belligerence, that could clearly be seen as Anya began to pace as Kali so often did. Kali could see the fire in the woman's eyes as she moved.::
Anya: No. This is exactly what he *does* deserve. YOU don't understand! You don't deserve his loyalty or his dedication.
::With vision clouded by the scene that had played out in her office, coupled with the intoxicating feeling the kiss had brought to her life, mixed in with the stray feelings and unfinished business that had come when Colt had left - as cataloged within the memories that Kali had transferred to Anya during her creation - the matrix version lacked the necessary restraint to keep what she was really thinking from manifesting itself into words.::
::Or, she just didn't care. If this was her last day in existence, and her last day to fight for the man who had saved her, and for the briefest moment, held her, then that was what she intended on doing. Her voice turned into the growl that Kali often used when her friends or crew were threatened or otherwise wronged.::
Anya: You are a pathetic coward, Kalianna. He would have *died* for you. ::She let out a sarcastic laugh.:: For YOU! You don't deserve that!
::Now this was getting interesting, and Kali could only blink for a moment as the woman went on her tirade.::
Anya: You didn't even try! How could you have let go so easily?! Ugh!
::The duplication threw her hands in the air as the emotions tumbled. Sure, there was loyalty there to her 'twin' and newfound 'sister', but the fury of what had happened between her and the man on the biobed in the recovery room was all encompassing. It ate her alive from the inside out.::
Nicholotti: ::Quietly.:: He chose to leave, Anya.
::Stopping, the woman glared at her.::
Anya: He wanted to try. You ran away. Coward!
::Resuming her pacing, she seemed lost in thought. Kali watched, trying to figure out what she could say that would make her understand. She already had all of the memories, and probably already did understand, but something was clouding that.::
Nicholotti: I didn't run away. I stood by my convictions. You should know that.
::At that, Anya stomped up to her, staring at her at eye level.::
Anya: Excuses. You're the only reason you are alone. You make them leave.
::Like a cold steel blade of her own, the words cut Kali like a knife. It was something she struggled with often, though always behind closed doors, and now here it was, coming out into the open in the middle of sickbay. The only saving grace she had was the fact that it wasn't too busy, though she did realize suddenly that there was little that could be done to stop the woman from her rant. Inevitably, she thought about David and wondered how long it would be before he left as well, and her heart ached.::
Nicholotti: How can you say that..? You of all people know the situations. The circumstances.
::A smug look appeared on the clone's face. She'd finally gotten through.::
Anya: Think about it, oh Captain. ::She gestured the sign for quotations marks with her hands when she said Captain.:: Your insistence on protecting the Corps chased Makal away, and obviously your inability to pick up what he wanted and was feeling chased him away. It's only a matter of time before you mess up and David leaves too. What will you do to him?
::In many ways, Kali would have much rather taken the knife that ultimately ended up within Colt, but it was too late for such things. She could only move forwards, all while the swirling thoughts of loneliness and of her mistakes, the arguments of the past, hit her like a barrage of rocks being thrown at her by the one person who knew all of her mind, motives, and reasoning.::
((Flashback, Communications Between Jupiter Station and Earth, Stardate 238610.12))
Kora: The whole damn corps seem to be nothing more than murderers and idiots. Out to carve notches into their phasers, or die for some outdated sense of sacrifice that has no place in the modern age.
Nicholotti: You can't judge them all based on that sorry excuse for sentient life.
::He would know her reference to the overly aggressive, bald Marine captain.::
::Makal let out a bitter laugh. He had nearly come to blows with that man on several occasions. Just remembering his face was enough to make the half-bajoran's heart race in fury.::
Kora: Him?! Hah. He was just a boil on the ass of an already ugly targ. No, it was the entire detachment. Either eager to die or kill. It was a first contact mission damnit! Why was that Lieutenant's phaser even set to kill?! After a DIRECT ORDER!! ::His eyes narrowed to slits.:: The Marines have no place on a starfleet ship, and they never did. I refuse to serve alongside such degenerate animals.
::Though she had opened her mouth to fire more sarcasm his way, her mind suddenly took over. She still wasn't ready to deal with deep thoughts about her time on that ship. Especially not now.::
Nicholotti: I'm not doing this.
Kora: Fine. Just shut the door and pretend the problem is not there, with every problem.
::He regretted saying it the moment the words came out of his mouth. They had shared a connection that few people ever did - especially non-telepaths. It was entirely uncouth to dredge up such a personal issue. But anger had a funny way of bringing out what could hurt people you were close to the most.::
::The woman sighed and though she replied with fire in her tone, the sadness could be seen in her eyes. Her voice elevated slightly.::
Nicholotti: You can be pissed off about the Marines all you want. Just remember, at the end of the day that's what I am.
Kora: Just another mindless grunt then. Why are you even pretending by wearing those blues then? Shouldn't you be on a battlefield somewhere patching plasma burns rather than learning real medicine?
::She became more animated as the argument ensued.::
Nicholotti: You need to get over whatever...::her hands waved in the air as she tried to find the words.:: this is.
::In her mind, Kali was screaming that it wasn't her fault. She wanted nothing more than for him to come to Earth and just hold her, but it couldn't be like that anymore. The not-so-ex Marine was mentally beating herself up. It was like having a drill instructor in her head yelling for her to get up and deal with it. Yet, in running from that voice, she was forced into the darkness of her nightmares.::
::Makal realized that he was falling into old patterns. The anger... the need to lash out and hurt those who he cared for. This was what cost him his Commander's exam. What led to the fight with Captain Avatar. He took a few deep breaths, closing his eyes to re-gain his composure.::
Kora: Kay... look... I just...
::She cut him off. He had stepped over the line twice now, and they both knew it.::
Nicholotti: You have some serious issues Makal. You can't hate me and love me. It doesn't work like that.
::Kali set her jaw and narrowed her eyes slightly. Was this how it was going to end? She stared hard at the screen trying to remember his every feature all while calculating her next move. Her body language would reflect that she was not backing down, but her mind was tired and didn't want to fight, especially with the man that she did still love.::
Kora: Yeah. Maybe we just need some time.
::Time had quickly turned into forever. When she finally had moved on, it had been much later, years later, and it had been with a man who ultimately ended up leaving her as well. Kali sighed. Perhaps the clone was right. What would she end up doing to David to make him let go despite his promises not to?::
Nicholotti: I didn't tell him, or Makal to leave!
::In a way, she was getting desperate now. She had to make Anya see. Instead of conceding, though, Anya stomped her foot and, without pause or any further thought, smacked her. Instinctively, Kali's hand shot up to where she had been hit, shocked at the violence behind the act.::
Anya: HE LOVED YOU! And you didn't even try! You are nothing more than a blind coward!
::As if waiting for a response, which she wasn't, Anya's eyes bored into her, seeking something deeper than the depths she was already familiar with. Her thoughts wandered to that day, when he had told her the news, and how hard she wanted to make it seem as if nothing were going to change. But he was going away; he had made the choice to leave, and it was something he would do to pursue his dreams. He didn't need her in the background to worry about, and she couldn't handle the constant worry with him being so far and so out of touch. No, it had to be done that way, but she couldn't put it into words good enough to explain to the overly emotional woman in front of her. When Kali didn't speak, she continued, spitting another line of fury at her.::
Anya: Exactly. You have no right. He ::She pointed towards the room.:: would have died gladly so that you could live and you are begrudging him the comfort that I give him because you won't?
::Her words still dripped with poison of near hatred as she turned and restarted her pacing.::
Nicholotti: ::Shaking her head.:: But it's not something I can sustain Anya. It will only hurt him. It's..it's only the remnants of old feelings.
::At least that's what she understood them to be. Kali shook her head as the sting from the slap finally started to subside.::
Anya: You gave them to me. Once again, it's YOUR fault.
::Stopping the woman looked back towards the room he was in.::
Anya: You weren't there. You were safe with with David! I was *there*. I saw him stand between me and that thing. I saw him go down, his blood, and the look in his eyes. Not you!
::Kali could only remain silent now. There was little she could say to argue that. She still stood by the decision, and her convictions from the day he had left, but she couldn't argue with having witnessed the event. It was something the strongest officers would have trouble with, never mind a mentally 'behind' person who had been loaded with the memories of another. As if on cue, Anya looked at her with every ounce of anger possible::
Anya: I *hate* you! You have no idea how much I hate you.
::Her eyes narrowed and she suddenly became unsteady as her look became unfocused.::
Nicholotti: ::quietly.:: I'm sorry.
::But Anya didn't seem to hear her. In fact, the next thing she said was more to herself and far more hushed than anything else she'd said.::
Anya: And he's going to hate me when he finds out.
::With that final thought, she wobbled and fell to her knees in the middle of sickbay, the tears flowing freely once again. Not knowing what else to do, Kali joined her, putting her hands on her shoulders and bringing her close enough so that they could share the emotion together, forehead to forehead. Perhaps the woman would never understand, but Kali could see something in her eyes that was the catalyst for the blaze that was now burning. Though Kali didn't know quite what her clone was thinking, she hoped that in time it would all become clear.::
::But for now, the two women sat on the floor in the middle of sickbay and shared the tears.::
Captain Kalianna Nicholotti
Starbase 118 / USS Victory
As simmed by Captain Kalianna Nicholotti
Return to Kalianna Nicholotti