Ronin Shoreleave Archive
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These are the shoreleave logs of the starship Ronin. Her mission: to explore long bouts of inebriation, to seek out reasons to cry and pout, to boldly go where no drunk ensign has gone before.
Shoreleave Log, Stardate 238411.29:
by Lt. Jackford B. Kolk
At the beginning of leave, a few people went shopping: Ensign Valis bought a baby grand piano and a violin (just like Sherlock Holmes'!) and Kolk took Parker to the Promenade on an anti-grav cart. Later in the Twilight's Edge, Walker and Adair got married, Wilde considered killing Kolk, Ehlanii asked Rogers to guard Kolk, Quay got upset because she wasn't asked to do it, Mar told Kolk to watch out and sidetracked Wilde just after a floosy woman tried to flirt with him and failed miserably. In another bar, a drunk man bemoaned Adair's unavailability by spouting lines from Shakespeare to the chagrin of his friend Yorik. A cat named Max (owned by Jarod Kolk) snuck onto the Ronin, got some milk (or was it something else?) and then made his way to the bridge to take over the galaxy. Back at the wedding, Quay ran off, Ehlanii followed, they briefly argued, then Thelev followed. Quay ran off again, Thelev followed her but got distracted by our new bartender Sarion. Kassa (the humanoid) tricked Quay (the symbiont), and then the joined pair ran into Rogers after the wedding and talked the night away to start the next day off with a kiss. While they were doing that, Brice and Ehlanii slipped out and had a romp on the station's nature deck. Meanwhile, back at the ranch, (er, I mean in Twilight's Edge), the wedding was nearly averted by Max starting a Red Alert in the Captain's Chair of the Ronin, but Walker chose to shirk his duty and pick the woman over his crew (the bastard), Parker and Kolk chatted with the comers and goers until only Reed was left, and then they left her too. On the Ronin, Wilde collapsed on the bridge, got beamed to sickbay and went completely mad because the little Borg toy in his neck decided to pump him full of vindictive I-want-to-kill-Kolk nanites. Satscher pulled out some of the little Kolk-haters and played science tricks on them for the rest of the leave. Parker wanted Kolk to take her on a romp through the nature deck (or something like) but he was busy going insane, so he dropped her off at her quarters, started a fight with her, and ran off to hide under his desk instead.
The next morning, while Quay and Rogers were swapping spit, Maria made Kolk a nice breakfast and placed it next to him under the desk with a note. Kolk missed breakfast with Thelev and Parker, but Jhen missed it too and Parker didn't bother going because who wants to have breakfast with an insane, insensitive, I-want-to-be-Captain type when you can stay in bed? Instead, he called Ehlanii, who was having breakfast with Reed, and scheduled an emergency counseling session. Before the session, Reed pumped Ehlanii for details about her impromptu date with Brice, discovering what she'd feared: Ehlanii didn't know about the wee one, Matthew Hollenbricedaleson. Kolk then got his head shrunk by Ehlanii while Reed scheduled dinner with Brice and Ehlanii, planning to stand them both up so they'd fall in love and make everyone feel sappy. Reed's evil plan worked, but not before Kolk realized he missed his mum and didn't want all his friends to die and, after that epiphany, ran off to the holosuites to play Captain Kolk of the USS Enterprise (NCC-1701) and wrestle Kirk-style with an Atollian Fangor Beast. Quay and Brice also had breakfast, where they each nearly found out that the other had met a special someone the night before. Then Mar threw a small briefing party for Thelev, Brice, and Wayfel (the token Andorian NPC who makes sure Thelev doesn't think he's the token) and told them that it was a bring-your-own-supplies-to-last-us-ten-years party, so they had to leave and get the supplies. Brice called Kolk and asked his input on how best to do it, and Kolk said, "Let's get the important stuff," to which Brice said, "Why didn't I think of that?"
After the shore-leave duty-shift (that's where everyone volunteers to have fun working instead of relaxing on their week off because we're in Starfleet and go insane if we're not at work) was over, Brice and Ehlanii got to know each other in the Double Shot and then in a forest created by Brice in the holosuites while ostensibly waiting for Reed to show up. Quay and Rogers had a romp that landed them between the sheets, and Kolk and Parker batted it out because Brice (during the shore-leave duty-shift, that is) advised him to let Addy decide whether she wanted the hassle of loving despite the fickleness of Starfleet. She didn't, and much crying and pouting ensued. Speaking of Starfleet's fickleness, Adair found out that Starfleet didn't want her and Walker to have a honeymoon and much crying and pouting ensued there too. On the bridge, Synak accused the Security Department of having too much fraternization and not enough discipline, so Maria told her to try jogging around the ship with Quay and Rogers. (Internally, we all know that Synak was crying and pouting as well, but she's a Vulcan so she'll never admit it.) Meanwhile in the Security Offices, Rogers and Quay worked out how much they still love each other even though Rogers didn't stop the other officers from gossiping about the two of them.
At some point in the week/two days between the wedding and the briefing, Ehlanii met the wee Hollenbricedaleson, unbeknownst to Brice, because Hollendale came looking for counseling about whether or not she should marry her own NPC, Benton, who may or may not end up wanting to kill Hollenbricedaleson because the wee lad is too much like Benton's perceived rival, Brice. Thelev and Kolk had breakfast in the Double Shot and chatted about how Kolk was flipping his lid and Valis was falling for Thelev. Meanwhile, Valis was in counseling with Ehlanii talking about how she'd had a meditation-induced vision where Thelev challenged her to kal-if-fee (you know, the violent part of the Pon Farr). Ehlanii told Valis she should hang out with the guy more (and possible get couples therapy with him), and then got ready to go to a French restaurant and to Notre Dame Cathedral with Brice. Also, Hollendale tried to cheer Walker up by asking him to break the law to help her save her Vulcan friend/father-type-person's daughter and threatening to run away if he wouldn't, and Quay asked Rogers to move in with her.
And then there was the briefing: Walker came early to give Mar the Spanish Inquisition about Adair's transfer, but female Wilde interrupted and then the troops rolled in. Mar promoted Rogers, Kolk, Thelev, and Adair-Walker (in that order, even though it's not alphabetical), and messed with the roster (because it's the most fun thing to do in the whole wide world). Just as everyone was about to kill her for forgetting someone whom she'd just promoted (i.e. Adair-Walker), Admiral Anassasi strolled in, greeted everyone, got run over by Sarion's goodies cart, promoted Mar to Captain, and explained that she'd be trading our Adair CMO/CSO card for her Satscher MO card and a week's worth of peanuts. Rogers tried to toss Sarion to the curb, but Mar saved the day. Everyone cheered at the Captain's captaincy and generally made a mockery of the briefing room, then promptly forgot that the Admiral even existed. Finally Mar told us we were going to be playing Gorn Border Cops and assigned Thelev to two teams because blue people are like two people, and the Briefing Inquisition ensued.