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Dekas
Joined 2 February 2021
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*'''Where were you first placed? What was it like starting to sim on your vessel?:''' My first, and current ship is The USS Juneau under Captain Oddas Aria. I came in at the end of a mission called Visitors in the Night, where the Juneau was investigating a black hole circling Quasar with a pair of long-dead vessels. Honestly coming in at the end of a mission was a little disorienting because I didn't have all the character context yet, and I was nervous about all the new people because I wasn't used to the setup yet. I struggled very much to keep up. The number of people was overwhelming and I was also grieving a really recent death and dealing with severe mental health problems and impostor syndrome. It had me needing an LOA for a few months. That wasn't the fault of anyone except myself. I took the time to focus more on myself and therapy because I needed that during that time for far more than all this. And even if I'd chosen not to come back, I would have continued with that. But in truth if not for the support and encouragement of my mentor and the Captain, I don't think I would have come back from my LOA. | *'''Where were you first placed? What was it like starting to sim on your vessel?:''' My first, and current ship is The USS Juneau under Captain Oddas Aria. I came in at the end of a mission called Visitors in the Night, where the Juneau was investigating a black hole circling Quasar with a pair of long-dead vessels. Honestly coming in at the end of a mission was a little disorienting because I didn't have all the character context yet, and I was nervous about all the new people because I wasn't used to the setup yet. I struggled very much to keep up. The number of people was overwhelming and I was also grieving a really recent death and dealing with severe mental health problems and impostor syndrome. It had me needing an LOA for a few months. That wasn't the fault of anyone except myself. I took the time to focus more on myself and therapy because I needed that during that time for far more than all this. And even if I'd chosen not to come back, I would have continued with that. But in truth if not for the support and encouragement of my mentor and the Captain, I don't think I would have come back from my LOA. | ||
*'''What have been your greatest challenges in this group?:''' The severity of the imposter syndrome in conjunction with all my other mental health issues. At one point I would have said the overwhelming number of people, and how sometimes new people will come in and I don't know them yet so I feel nervous about it because up til joining 118, I'd only done one-on-one, and mostly with the people I was closest to already even if there were more than that. Those things are still a little bit of a struggle, but I find I'm getting used to them. You never truly get used to the sheer awfulness of feeling like you won't add up | *'''What have been your greatest challenges in this group?:''' The severity of the imposter syndrome in conjunction with all my other mental health issues. At one point I would have said the overwhelming number of people, and how sometimes new people will come in and I don't know them yet so I feel nervous about it because up til joining 118, I'd only done one-on-one, and mostly with the people I was closest to already even if there were more than that. Those things are still a little bit of a struggle, but I find I'm getting used to them. You never truly get used to the sheer awfulness of feeling like you won't add up or feeling like you don't deserve the support people give you. Comparison really is the thief of joy and it is an ongoing process full of ups and downs and therapy to stop myself from stealing my own joy away from myself. | ||
*'''What have been your greatest achievements in this group?:''' During the mission right after my LOA, I was put in an away team where both of the other original team members (including the away team leader herself) suddenly took an LOA for one reason or another right at the start. I was the only original team member present on that away team. I really thought I was going to have to figure that out on my own somehow. But The Captain and My Mentor/XO were quick to get people to write with me (including themselves with PNPCs). They could have recalled that away team and effectively retconned that part of things. They could have waited more and made me deal with it alone longer. But they didn't. Effectively, I got to "lead" that away team and make a decision that made an opening for a meaningful character arc after the fact. And in the process, it allowed me to feel more confident with my place in this group. And I'm proud of myself for not giving up | *'''What have been your greatest achievements in this group?:''' During the mission right after my LOA, I was put in an away team where both of the other original team members (including the away team leader herself) suddenly took an LOA for one reason or another right at the start. I was the only original team member present on that away team. I really thought I was going to have to figure that out on my own somehow. But The Captain and My Mentor/XO were quick to get people to write with me (including themselves with PNPCs). They could have recalled that away team and effectively retconned that part of things. They could have waited more and made me deal with it alone longer. But they didn't. Effectively, I got to "lead" that away team and make a decision that made an opening for a meaningful character arc after the fact. And in the process, it allowed me to feel more confident with my place in this group. And I'm proud of myself for not giving up like I otherwise could have. Secondarily, I'm pretty proud of myself for how often I post appreciations on the forums for fellow crewmates. I really do feel like they deserve it, and at a different point in my life, I might have been too nervous to even give compliments. The fact I can do it so easily now feels like a positive thing. | ||
*'''What do you ultimately hope to accomplish?:''' I think for now I'd like to have my character be eligible for Chief Engineer on the ship as a first step. It's gonna take some work, I know, but I'd like to be able to earn that as an option. | *'''What do you ultimately hope to accomplish?:''' I think for now I'd like to have my character be eligible for Chief Engineer on the ship as a first step. It's gonna take some work, I know, but I'd like to be able to earn that as an option. As a personal step, I'd like to do all that I can to be an excellent supporting player on the Juneau and any ship I might be on in the future. I want to be able to help new players feel as secure and appreciated as I've felt with the command staff of the Juneau, and I want to help people find those moments where they can have their character or their writing style really shine and be awesome. I think I'd feel really good if I could just manage to do that much. | ||
*'''Where do you see this group in five years?:''' I'm not sure yet, but I do hope that as a whole it really keeps up the efforts it puts into making its members feel valued. I think that's something that really makes this group | *'''Where do you see this group in five years?:''' I'm not sure yet, but I do hope that as a whole it really keeps up the efforts it puts into making its members feel valued. I think that's something that really makes this group special. Because in some communities, the value is placed after you've proved yourself somehow. And the means to 'prove yourself' is different for every person. But this group I never feel like I'm anything less than valued. Even when I feel like I don't deserve it, I've never felt like the people here think the same toward me as I do toward myself at times. I always feel appreciated and I think that's really important in a group. | ||
*'''How do you think this group has contributed to Star Trek's Legacy? How has the group contributed to the internet community?:''' I think as far as how it has contributed to the legacy of Star Trek, given its distinct push on the idea of 'infinite diversity, in infinite combinations' it has done very well. The way it seems to me is that people do the best they can to involve people of racial diversity, spiritual diversity, gender and sexuality diversity, mental and physical disability diversity as well as they can. And it looks like the group continues to try and be something that anyone from any of those labels can find approachable and available to them. Which is very good. I think all of those things really do add a good thing to the legacy of what Star Trek is supposed to represent as a whole, as well as being a fun time and a place to make friends. I'm not sure how it's contributed to the internet community as I'm not fully entrenched in the Star Trek writing community elsewhere, but it seems to me that it's one of the best ones out there. It wouldn't have lasted over 25 years otherwise! | *'''How do you think this group has contributed to Star Trek's Legacy? How has the group contributed to the internet community?:''' I think as far as how it has contributed to the legacy of Star Trek, given its distinct push on the idea of 'infinite diversity, in infinite combinations' it has done very well. The way it seems to me is that people do the best they can to involve people of racial diversity, spiritual diversity, gender and sexuality diversity, mental and physical disability diversity as well as they can. And it looks like the group continues to try and be something that anyone from any of those labels can find approachable and available to them. Which is very good. I think all of those things really do add a good thing to the legacy of what Star Trek is supposed to represent as a whole, as well as being a fun time and a place to make friends. I'm not sure how it's contributed to the internet community as I'm not fully entrenched in the Star Trek writing community elsewhere, but it seems to me that it's one of the best ones out there. It wouldn't have lasted over 25 years otherwise! | ||