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Writing Improvement Squadron/Style and Mechanics: Difference between revisions
Writing Improvement Squadron/Style and Mechanics (view source)
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You should remember that not all email programs organize bytes the same way, and what looks visually good on your screen might not on other screens. So I like to separate portions of sim text with a blank line for purposes of visual organization. For example, I place that space between the portion of the sim which is my private thought and that portion where I speak, and also between different expressions of speech as well: | You should remember that not all email programs organize bytes the same way, and what looks visually good on your screen might not on other screens. So I like to separate portions of sim text with a blank line for purposes of visual organization. For example, I place that space between the portion of the sim which is my private thought and that portion where I speak, and also between different expressions of speech as well: | ||
{| align=left style="margin: 1em auto 1em auto;" border=' | {| align=left style="margin: 1em auto 1em auto;" border='1' cellspacing='0' | ||
|- | |- | ||
| align=left style="background:#EBF5FB; |Kelly realized the prisoner was lying to him. He turned to the brig officer and signalled for him to restore the force field. Kelly left the cell, then turned back to the prisoner… | |||
KELLY: Are you sure you can’t remember what happened? | KELLY: Are you sure you can’t remember what happened? | ||
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<br> | <br> | ||
You can also see that when I am thinking to myself, or relating what is happening in the omnipotent third person (narration), I present that in very traditional text format. In the past tense (for we are telling a story, and the ‘recent past tense’ is the traditional tool for that format), and | You can also see that when I am thinking to myself, or relating what is happening in the omnipotent third person (narration), I present that in very traditional text format. In the past tense (for we are telling a story, and the ‘recent past tense’ is the traditional tool for that format). I have seen “Oo” or “oO” used to delineate thoughts from actual narration but for my money that’s confusing, because those ‘thought bubbles’ are also then used to capture action as well as private rumination. So I simply use the normal prose for both, and things are cleaner. | ||
===Style=== | ===Style=== | ||
As I said, this is the deeper part of the ocean, as the saying goes. I have seen so many great simmers use different styles that the very idea of a uniform style is an impossible one when creative endeavor is our goal. On the other hand, some general observations about style, I hope, will help you develop one of your own if you haven’t got one yet, or help you refine it if you have. The polish and veneer of your sims are part, in the end, of the overall evaluations that take place when the big promotions are looming, and given that we’re all human and make perforce subjective judgements, polish can only help, and its absence can only hurt. | |||
First, I know some of you are not from English speaking lands. Ok. But in this I am not politically correct: If you are joining our group, which sims in English, and you expect to be well regarded, you must master the language as best you can, and that means spelling and grammar as much as word usage. I had a commander on the Ranger who was from the Netherlands, and for whom English was not a first language, and most of the time, you would never know it. Even more importantly, he improved his command of English over time so that it was clear he was putting in real effort, and that counted for a lot with me, as well as with others. | |||
First, I know some of you are not from English speaking lands. Ok. But in this I am not politically correct: If you are joining our group, which sims in English, and you expect to be well regarded, you must master the language as best you can, and that means spelling and grammar as much as word usage. I had a commander on | |||
Of course, not mastering these elements of style is an especially grievous sin if you ARE from an English speaking land. Neither age nor being pressed for time is a valid excuse here, not with me. If your command officers claim it is less important to them, be aware that it is only LESS important. If you consistently present sloppy sims, it won’t help you in the long run; not in getting taken seriously by your fellow simmers, and not when it comes time for high rank. | Of course, not mastering these elements of style is an especially grievous sin if you ARE from an English speaking land. Neither age nor being pressed for time is a valid excuse here, not with me. If your command officers claim it is less important to them, be aware that it is only LESS important. If you consistently present sloppy sims, it won’t help you in the long run; not in getting taken seriously by your fellow simmers, and not when it comes time for high rank. | ||
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Do mistakes happen? Absolutely. I make them, every captain does, and every member of the EC does. In fact, I wouldn’t be at all surprised if there are a few typos or grammar errors in this article — the UFOP is not, after all, a Pulitzer competition or a master’s thesis. But my own rate of error is not high, and I always proof my submissions once at least. Of course, by taking the time to discuss this topic, I don’t need to point out that the rate is sometimes higher for others, too much so for it not to become on occasion irritating. | Do mistakes happen? Absolutely. I make them, every captain does, and every member of the EC does. In fact, I wouldn’t be at all surprised if there are a few typos or grammar errors in this article — the UFOP is not, after all, a Pulitzer competition or a master’s thesis. But my own rate of error is not high, and I always proof my submissions once at least. Of course, by taking the time to discuss this topic, I don’t need to point out that the rate is sometimes higher for others, too much so for it not to become on occasion irritating. | ||
And the cure for it is so simple — READ YOUR POSTS BEFORE YOU HIT “SEND.” Even the longest sims, if they were worth writing, are worth another two to three minutes to check; and that’s all it EVER takes for the longer ones. So if you don’t have the time do make that minimal investment, you don’t have the time to sim right then. In other words, if you don’t have time to do it right, don’t do it till you do. | And the cure for it is so simple — '''READ YOUR POSTS BEFORE YOU HIT “SEND.”''' Even the longest sims, if they were worth writing, are worth another two to three minutes to check; and that’s all it EVER takes for the longer ones. So if you don’t have the time do make that minimal investment, you don’t have the time to sim right then. In other words, if you don’t have time to do it right, don’t do it till you do. | ||
Youth is also not an excuse. If you’re in High School, you’re learning — or should be — how to write well and organize thought, as well as grammar. And no matter your age, everyone has a spell checker. If you make lots of spelling mistakes, use it. | Youth is also not an excuse. If you’re in High School, you’re learning — or should be — how to write well and organize thought, as well as grammar. And no matter your age, everyone has a spell checker. If you make lots of spelling mistakes, use it. | ||
Is all of this “required” by the UFOP either by way of the group as a whole or by a captain in the sense that if you | Is all of this “required” by the UFOP either by way of the group as a whole or by a captain in the sense that if you don't adhere, you’re let go? Of course not. This isn’t military school and you’re not being punished — this is supposed to be fun. But in the end, many of you come to aspire to higher office. So I suggest you do all you can to make sure what you display looks and feels right so it gets taken seriously — otherwise you wasted your time, or at best, you’re saddling yourself with a disadvantage which is easily avoided. | ||
===The Feel=== | ===The Feel=== | ||
I have always felt, and continue to feel, that the best sims are those which delve deeply inside the character — and thus the best simmers are those who add layers and dimensions to their character. Some of the best sims I have seen from others (and those I myself do and enjoy the most) are the sims in which little or no “action” takes place — or even dialog, sometimes — and in which the person mulls over a problem, a memory, or an issue. Sometimes that mulling involves memories, and one ex first officer of the USS Ranger who went on to command used to make masterful use of the “flashback” to the great enjoyment of all who read his sims. Another captain did a great deal of work with friends and family visits and calls. When she served with Fleet Captain Hollis, I know he enjoyed reading about this simmer’s friend from her marine days. | |||
I have always felt, and continue to feel, that the best sims are those which delve deeply inside the character — and thus the best simmers are those who add layers and dimensions to their character. Some of the best sims I have seen from others (and those I myself do and enjoy the most) are the sims in which little or no “action” takes place — or even dialog, sometimes — and in which the person mulls over a problem, a memory, or an issue. Sometimes that mulling involves memories, and one ex first officer of | |||
The consistent thread here — which Gene Roddenberry always held was the soul of Star Trek — is that the best stories are about people, not new weapons, or spies, or fights or battles. Those, like magic in a good fantasy novel, are merely backdrops to tell a good story about people; they are not characters themselves, nor should they ever be what drives a story. | The consistent thread here — which Gene Roddenberry always held was the soul of Star Trek — is that the best stories are about people, not new weapons, or spies, or fights or battles. Those, like magic in a good fantasy novel, are merely backdrops to tell a good story about people; they are not characters themselves, nor should they ever be what drives a story. | ||
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===The Scene, Character Thoughts, or Movements=== | ===The Scene, Character Thoughts, or Movements=== | ||
Still not sure what to write about in | Still not sure what to write about in your descriptive blocks? Generally, you’ll find that the blocks of text between the colons in a sim will include one of three things: | ||
*Text describing the scene around the characters, such as the color of the walls, the foliage, the smells, the light or absence of, how heavy the air might be, or a million other things that explain how the environment around your character looks. This kind of exposition can also include the description of events as they occur. (IE – ::The ship exploded on the screen into a million tiny points of light that rivaled the very stars beyond.::) | *Text describing the scene around the characters, such as the color of the walls, the foliage, the smells, the light or absence of, how heavy the air might be, or a million other things that explain how the environment around your character looks. This kind of exposition can also include the description of events as they occur. (IE – ::The ship exploded on the screen into a million tiny points of light that rivaled the very stars beyond.::) | ||
*The thoughts that are going through your character’s mind, that aren’t included in thought bubbles. Yes, thought bubbles are used for ‘real time’ thoughts, but descriptive blocks can be used for a kind of reflection your character might be having. ( | *The thoughts that are going through your character’s mind, that aren’t included in thought bubbles. Yes, thought bubbles are used for ‘real time’ thoughts, but descriptive blocks can be used for a kind of reflection your character might be having. (ie – She sat back and pondered the idea of what to have for dinner. Certainly steak was one option, but would her guest approve?) | ||
*Movements your character is making in response to an event, something in the scene, the other person or people they are interacting with, or even as a result of something they did themselves. (IE – ::He turned and covered his eyes as the ship exploded to shield himself from the blinding light.::) | *Movements your character is making in response to an event, something in the scene, the other person or people they are interacting with, or even as a result of something they did themselves. (IE – ::He turned and covered his eyes as the ship exploded to shield himself from the blinding light.::) | ||
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That can sound pretty simple when you understand the moving parts, but it can get complicated if you really want to go digging. What is a warp field? What parameters do you need to have in place to form the warp bubble? You will need to decide how far in depth you want to go. You do not have to quote all of the “technobabble” you can find, to add realism to your sim. Instead, you should find that happy balance between what is going on around your character and the research you need to do. Perhaps there is a problem with the transporter system and your character has to lead the charge on repairing it? Understanding the basics, as seen on television, will help you to bring the sim to life. There is a huge difference between: | That can sound pretty simple when you understand the moving parts, but it can get complicated if you really want to go digging. What is a warp field? What parameters do you need to have in place to form the warp bubble? You will need to decide how far in depth you want to go. You do not have to quote all of the “technobabble” you can find, to add realism to your sim. Instead, you should find that happy balance between what is going on around your character and the research you need to do. Perhaps there is a problem with the transporter system and your character has to lead the charge on repairing it? Understanding the basics, as seen on television, will help you to bring the sim to life. There is a huge difference between: | ||
{| align=left style="margin: 1em auto 1em auto;" border='1' cellspacing='0' | |||
|- | |||
| align=left style="background:#EBF5FB; |Ensign John Doe quickly moved to the transporter room. Wasting no time, he moved to the back wall and removed the panel. Reaching inside he felt around until he located what he believed to be the problem. Grabbing a tool from his tool kit, he began repairing the damaged system. One the problem was addressed, he quickly moved to the transporter control console. Running a quick diagnostic, he realized the problem had been fixed. The damaged component would need replaced, but for now the system was functional. | |||
|} | |||
And: | And: | ||
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|- | |||
| align=left style="background:#EBF5FB; |Ensign John Doe quickly moved into the transporter room. In his mind there were many theories as to what was wrong with the system. The targeting scanners could have been preventing them from getting a lock. If that was not the issue, it could have been the molecular imaging scanner. For a moment he glanced toward the top of the transporter pad as he thought of that option. Removing the rear console in the wall, he reached his hand inside. He quickly realized that there was a damaged control unit for the annular confinement beam. Reaching in his tool kit, he grabbed the hyperspanner. Within seconds he began to bypass the damaged circuits in the control unit. It would not fix the problem, but it would put a patch on the wound. Moving to the transporter control console, he quickly ran a diagnostic. All systems were go…for now. | |||
|} | |||
In the first descriptive, the writer was able to relay that there was a problem with the system and was able to quickly put a band-aid on the problem. It used no “technobabble”, and did not even need a basic understanding of the transporter system. The reader was able to see that there was a problem and he was able to reach into the panel on the wall and fix it. | In the first descriptive, the writer was able to relay that there was a problem with the system and was able to quickly put a band-aid on the problem. It used no “technobabble”, and did not even need a basic understanding of the transporter system. The reader was able to see that there was a problem and he was able to reach into the panel on the wall and fix it. | ||
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'''Annular Confinement Beam''' – This component confined the transporter matter stream when it was on its way to the target destination. | '''Annular Confinement Beam''' – This component confined the transporter matter stream when it was on its way to the target destination. | ||
'''Hyperspanner''' – This is a multipurpose | '''Hyperspanner''' – This is a multipurpose tool that was used to relink and bypass circuit boards of electrical systems. | ||
With just a little bit of research, the readers could find themselves picturing the different components and was able to get a look at the diagnostic mind of the engineer. Imagine an entire sim written like that. With just a little bit of research, a writer could really bring their character to life in the scene. The best way to add depth and realism to a character is by adding it to their environment. The more you can show about their surroundings, the more real they become. | With just a little bit of research, the readers could find themselves picturing the different components and was able to get a look at the diagnostic mind of the engineer. Imagine an entire sim written like that. With just a little bit of research, a writer could really bring their character to life in the scene. The best way to add depth and realism to a character is by adding it to their environment. The more you can show about their surroundings, the more real they become. | ||
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If this is something you’re interested in, the first thing you need to do is choose which species you‘d like to write for. With nearly two hundred permitted species on the Intelligent Lifeform Index, finding the right one might seem a little overwhelming at first. Of the species listed some names are going to jump out more than others. Species like Bajorans, Andorians, Trill and Ferengi are immediately familiar because we’ve all seen them on the TV or read about them in the books or comics. These are generally a good starting ground, particularly if you have a favourite that you want to explore or want a well-established race. | If this is something you’re interested in, the first thing you need to do is choose which species you‘d like to write for. With nearly two hundred permitted species on the Intelligent Lifeform Index, finding the right one might seem a little overwhelming at first. Of the species listed some names are going to jump out more than others. Species like Bajorans, Andorians, Trill and Ferengi are immediately familiar because we’ve all seen them on the TV or read about them in the books or comics. These are generally a good starting ground, particularly if you have a favourite that you want to explore or want a well-established race. | ||
The benefit of using a well-established race is that it gives you a lot of information to work with from the | The benefit of using a well-established race is that it gives you a lot of information to work with from the species' home planet to their culture and society. This means you don’t have to come up with everything yourself and you have resources to draw upon. Some people are drawn to the lesser known species for that exact reason however and look at it as having a blank canvas. It can be a lot of work developing a species and there can be a lot of details to work out and keep track of over time which must be kept consistent. There can be a lot of reward in creating something new that can be enjoyed by the whole group. There’s no right or wrong answer but what you choose depends on what you want to achieve and experience when writing for an alien species. | ||
Once you’ve chosen your species you should find out as much as you can about them. Physically, what do they look like; do they have any distinguishing features such as Trill Spots, Klingon ridges and dreadlocks or Andorian antennae? Do they have additional senses such as empathy, telepathy or fielding? If so how does this affect the world around them. It can be fun to pick up on other characters’ thoughts from time to time or find an object by fielding it. | Once you’ve chosen your species you should find out as much as you can about them. Physically, what do they look like; do they have any distinguishing features such as Trill Spots, Klingon ridges and dreadlocks or Andorian antennae? Do they have additional senses such as empathy, telepathy or fielding? If so how does this affect the world around them. It can be fun to pick up on other characters’ thoughts from time to time or find an object by fielding it. | ||
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How do they express themselves? Andorians do not use their faces to express themselves and smile only in the company of those they are particularly close to. Their antennae move independently and apart from being a sensory receptor are used for expression. So if they are angry you won’t see a frown or a scowl, but their antennae will sweep back. Vulcans have a very subtle way of expressing themselves too and tend to avoid touching others where possible. | How do they express themselves? Andorians do not use their faces to express themselves and smile only in the company of those they are particularly close to. Their antennae move independently and apart from being a sensory receptor are used for expression. So if they are angry you won’t see a frown or a scowl, but their antennae will sweep back. Vulcans have a very subtle way of expressing themselves too and tend to avoid touching others where possible. | ||
What are their speech patterns like? Vulcans will tend to speak in an even, emotionless way and refer frequently to logic due to their cultural beliefs. A Klingon will be more passionate when talking about matters of importance to them such as honour. One of the most immersion breaking things can be to have an alien routinely using common human expressions. While each cadet will have spent four or more years at StarFleet Academy and having plenty of exposure to humans you can expect them to at least understand some of them. That said, they’re also exposed to a number of other species with their own phrases and sayings, not to mention the fact that they would have their own. Avoiding well-worn phrases in favour of creating something different would be much more fitting. | What are their speech patterns like? Vulcans will tend to speak in an even, emotionless way and refer frequently to logic due to their cultural beliefs. A Klingon will be more passionate when talking about matters of importance to them such as honour. One of the most immersion-breaking things can be to have an alien routinely using common human expressions. While each cadet will have spent four or more years at StarFleet Academy and having plenty of exposure to humans you can expect them to at least understand some of them. That said, they’re also exposed to a number of other species with their own phrases and sayings, not to mention the fact that they would have their own. Avoiding well-worn phrases in favour of creating something different would be much more fitting. | ||
Finally, consider where they come from. Were they born on their species home planet or other colonised world? Know what the species culture and beliefs are like. Are they an arty creative people with a love of expressing themselves, or perhaps more driven towards developing new technologies and ways of thinking? The more you know about what the species is like in general terms the more you can decide how much of that they go along with and where their opinions might differ and, if so, why. Your character doesn’t have to be typical for their species but the deeper your knowledge and understanding of the species the more you can work out where the differences are and why, helping you to build a richer and more interesting character. | Finally, consider where they come from. Were they born on their species home planet or other colonised world? Know what the species culture and beliefs are like. Are they an arty creative people with a love of expressing themselves, or perhaps more driven towards developing new technologies and ways of thinking? The more you know about what the species is like in general terms the more you can decide how much of that they go along with and where their opinions might differ and, if so, why. Your character doesn’t have to be typical for their species but the deeper your knowledge and understanding of the species the more you can work out where the differences are and why, helping you to build a richer and more interesting character. | ||
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<big>'''Scene 1'''</big> | <big>'''Scene 1'''</big> | ||
{| align=left style="margin: 1em auto 1em auto;" border='1' cellspacing='0' | |||
''<nowiki>“</nowiki>Take us to warp,<nowiki>“</nowiki> said the commanding officer as he sat down.'' | |- | ||
| align=left style="background:#EBF5FB; |<nowiki>“</nowiki>Take us to warp,<nowiki>“</nowiki> said the commanding officer as he sat down.'' | |||
''<nowiki>“</nowiki>Aye sir,<nowiki>“</nowiki> said the helm officer as she plugged in the commands.'' | ''<nowiki>“</nowiki>Aye sir,<nowiki>“</nowiki> said the helm officer as she plugged in the commands.'' | ||
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''And then the ship was hit.'' | ''And then the ship was hit.'' | ||
''<nowiki>“</nowiki>All stop! Arm weapons!<nowiki>“</nowiki> yelled the Captain. | ''<nowiki>“</nowiki>All stop! Arm weapons!<nowiki>“</nowiki> yelled the Captain. | ||
|} | |||
<br> | |||
Now, we get quite a bit from this scene, but not near as much as we could if a bit of magic were sprinkled in. Certainly, all the dialogue gets quickly to the point and the action of what’s going on, but do any of the characters seem realistic and alive to you? Indeed, in this case, they seem very much like two-dimensional cardboard cutouts. Let’s look at the same scene now, with a bit of magic thrown in. | Now, we get quite a bit from this scene, but not near as much as we could if a bit of magic were sprinkled in. Certainly, all the dialogue gets quickly to the point and the action of what’s going on, but do any of the characters seem realistic and alive to you? Indeed, in this case, they seem very much like two-dimensional cardboard cutouts. Let’s look at the same scene now, with a bit of magic thrown in. | ||
<big>'''Scene 2'''</big> | <big>'''Scene 2'''</big> | ||
''<nowiki>“</nowiki>Take us to warp,<nowiki>“</nowiki> said the sandy haired commanding officer, as he sat heavily in the chair. The fact that they’d arrived in time to save the civilian ship was nothing short of a miracle, though they still had this other ship with which to deal. With his fingertips tapping the arm of the chair in fast succession, he silently dared the enemy to follow.'' | {| align=left style="margin: 1em auto 1em auto;" border='1' cellspacing='0' | ||
|- | |||
| align=left style="background:#EBF5FB; |<nowiki>“</nowiki>Take us to warp,<nowiki>“</nowiki> said the sandy haired commanding officer, as he sat heavily in the chair. The fact that they’d arrived in time to save the civilian ship was nothing short of a miracle, though they still had this other ship with which to deal. With his fingertips tapping the arm of the chair in fast succession, he silently dared the enemy to follow.'' | |||
''<nowiki>“</nowiki>Aye sir,<nowiki>“</nowiki> said the helm officer as she plugged in commands. The keys on the console beeped, masking the worried sigh that had just escaped from her. She knew there was another ship back there and she could guess what the Captain was doing, all of which made her very, very nervous. This was a heck of a mission for her first assignment. Still, at least she managed to meet the demands of the orders and take a deep, calming breath just before the tactical officer yelled.'' | ''<nowiki>“</nowiki>Aye sir,<nowiki>“</nowiki> said the helm officer as she plugged in commands. The keys on the console beeped, masking the worried sigh that had just escaped from her. She knew there was another ship back there and she could guess what the Captain was doing, all of which made her very, very nervous. This was a heck of a mission for her first assignment. Still, at least she managed to meet the demands of the orders and take a deep, calming breath just before the tactical officer yelled.'' | ||
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''And then the ship was hit. Sparks flew in various directions, but most of the officers managed to hold on and hold their positions. The wide eyed officer who had just yelled was the only one who had been thrown across the bridge. Dim, red lighting replaced everything else as all of the officers focused completely on the task at hand.'' | ''And then the ship was hit. Sparks flew in various directions, but most of the officers managed to hold on and hold their positions. The wide eyed officer who had just yelled was the only one who had been thrown across the bridge. Dim, red lighting replaced everything else as all of the officers focused completely on the task at hand.'' | ||
''<nowiki>“</nowiki>All stop! Arm weapons!<nowiki>“</nowiki> yelled the Captain, already knowing what was coming and how to react. This was the end of the road for that ship, but only if he played things carefully. They were already beaten up; they couldn’t afford too much more. Before issuing the orders that would likely destroy the ship that had followed him, he thought of his crew and his responsibility to them as well as that civilian ship out there. | ''<nowiki>“</nowiki>All stop! Arm weapons!<nowiki>“</nowiki> yelled the Captain, already knowing what was coming and how to react. This was the end of the road for that ship, but only if he played things carefully. They were already beaten up; they couldn’t afford too much more. Before issuing the orders that would likely destroy the ship that had followed him, he thought of his crew and his responsibility to them as well as that civilian ship out there. | ||
|} | |||
At this point, step back and ask yourself, which of these scenes seemed more real to you? Which of these passages was easier to get into? Sure, one was much easier to write, and took far less time for the author, but that’s never the point of our writing, is it? If you want to ensure that your writing is the best that it can be, never hesitate to add characterization. | At this point, step back and ask yourself, which of these scenes seemed more real to you? Which of these passages was easier to get into? Sure, one was much easier to write, and took far less time for the author, but that’s never the point of our writing, is it? If you want to ensure that your writing is the best that it can be, never hesitate to add characterization. | ||