SIM:JP Satscher, Ventu: Godmother

(( Envoy's Office / Starbase 118 SDC Office ))

:: Hayden paced in front of Lily's desk as she sat back in her chair, chewing on her index nail. ::

Hayden: If you want to do it, just do it!

Ventu: But it's been so long-

Hayden: Days, months, years, it doesn't matter. If you want to thank her, then you have to just do it.

Ventu: Yes, well-

Hayden: No "yes, well". You do it or you don't; she knows you're thankful or she doesn't. Period.

:: Lily nodded once to her hand and then sat up in her chair. She tapped her monitor on. ::

Ventu: Computer, establish a connection to Lieutenant Vojana Satscher, USS Tiger.

Computer: Working.

:: While it worked, Hayden hesitated at the door. ::

Hayden: Do you want me to wait outside?

Ventu: No, stay. ::beat, smile:: You're the reason I'm finally going through with it. No skipping out now.

Hayden: Fair enough.

Computer: Link established to Lieutenant, Junior Grade Vojana Satscher. Stand by for simultaneous transmission.

:: As they stood by, Lily and Hayden exchanged a look. ::

Ventu & Hayden: Junior?

:: The picture flashed up a moment, and Lily leaned in towards the screen. ::

Ventu: Doc!

Satscher: Lily, I cannot believe, oh girl...::Vojana closed her eyes, they filled with tears, but smile crossed her face.::

Ventu: ::grinning:: It's me! How are you?

Satscher: Me, oh… ::Vojana wanted to tell her, but why. :: I’m fine.

:: And even though she'd wanted to say so much more first, something else popped out: ::

Ventu: *Junior* lieutenant? Is that a mistake?

Satscher: ::Vojana forgot it’s something she cannot hide, inadvertently touched her pips. Her stomach wrinkled and she grimaced.:: No, it is not….::Vojana let her voice trailed off.::

Ventu: What? What happened?

Satscher: Short answer is I’m the luckiest fool in the universe. I’m not sure you want to sit through whole story. You wanted to tell me something.

Ventu: ::waving her hand:: It can wait, it can wait. Tell me your story.

Satscher: I can tell you, now when it’s all over and Marcus is finished with a research, or rather say research on HIM is finished, none is secret any more. I can tell you everything. ::She bowed her head.:: But you will not like it, Doctor.

:: Lily exchanged a short look with Hayden, who was still standing behind her desk. If Vojana was calling her "Doctor" again, then things were serious. ::

Ventu: Tell me.

Satscher: It started even before we met, STARTED far before we met… ::Vojana paused for a moment, took a deep breath and continued.:: During his mission on Ambrosia, Marcus contracted, was possessed by two other consciousness, first Kelrod then Tantalus. Tantalus later tried to possess a body of a native, but with help Kelrod provided, Moranta and Ramirez frustrated his plans and managed to destroy him.

Ventu: But then this ... Kelrod? ... is still there? ::beat:: Does Marcus know?

:: It felt odd to be referring to him as "Marcus," but then again, she'd had to make several such adjustments of late - Vojana's own, and even Captain Rhys's shortening to "Bejain," which she was still working on. ::

Satscher: No, not even Marcus knew at the start Kelrod is still with him. They thought both consciousness were eliminated… ::Vojana trembled remembering the moment in front of Sickbay when she saw, met Kelrod.:: But Kelrod managed to stay, to hide deep enough in Marcus’s subconsciousness. From there he was able to take control of body when Marcus was unconscious.

:: Lily's memories zoomed and danced, and she recalled the tenuous reversals just before she, Marcus, and Ellie had left the Tiger. Reports unseen, things she'd glanced over, and now things that rose up in her mind.... ::

Ventu: And you saw him during one of those times, didn't you? When he *was* Kelrod.

Satscher: Yes that’s how I found out.

Ventu: Was it ... before? You know, you two...?

Satscher: I was attracted to Marcus long before that and just didn’t have courage, strength to ask. I was afraid to actually find out. And for a long time it was just a memory, a thought. And he was so kind so gentle I made myself believes I imagined it.

Ventu: ::breathless:: But you didn't.

Satscher: Yes, when returned from Ronin I found Marcus unconscious in Sickbay. And I checked. ::Vojana squeezed the edge of the desk with both hands until her fingers started to hurt.:: And found it. Oh… I was, I was… devastated.

:: Lily's eyes flicked up to Hayden, whose jaw was set. He was shaking his head slowly, though she didn't know why. She looked back to the monitor, uncertain if she wanted the conclusion, since she thought she knew where it was going, but unable to tear herself away. ::

Ventu: What happened?

Satscher: And next blow arrived just a moment after that.

Ventu: ::nodding slowly:: The switch over to the Tiger?

Satscher: I was ordered to step down as Chief and transfer office to Doctor Calhan. I didn’t get my transfer orders until the next day, didn’t have a clue what is happening, and…

::Vojana dived into silence, unable to say anything, her lips were trembling, she raised her head an looked at the monitor. Lily was waiting patiently, obviously aware of Vojana’s struggle. And struggle it was, if Salen and Riley reacted so violently…::

oO I cannot handle one more disappointed colleague. How to tell her. Oo

Satscher: I… I erased those readings I made on Marcus.

::Vojana couldn’t look her… friend in the eyes. She jumped from chair and started walking the room.::

::Lily, for her part, didn't know what to say. She'd spent her share of time in medical centers during her life, and after living with Ellie and being married to Hayden, she certainly understood the sanctity of medical records. But absolutes were definitively theoretical; the dead white men who declared that sanctity centuries ago couldn't have foreseen the struggling of the woman in front of her now. ::

Ventu: Vo, come back. ::beat:: Are you still there?

Satscher: Yes I’m here! ::Heavy breath.:: I’m waiting reaction… just don’t want to see it!

Ventu: ::shaking her head:: I don't know that I have much of a reaction for you. ::beat:: I can't judge you, because I don't know what I'd have done in your place.

:: It was her turn to let her jaw set and her gaze turn fierce, and she looked directly at Hayden as she continued. ::

Ventu: If it was someone I loved, I don't know what I would have done. ::beat, back to the screen:: Was that all? Erasing the records?

Satscher: No, that’s not all.

Ventu: What happened next?

Satscher: Marcus awoke that night and next morning I confronted him. When he explained everything I finished my criminal act by erasing everything, both backups of records and all references. ::chuckle:: THAT WAS the moment I received transfer orders. ::Vojana returned to the chair and sat hard. Looked at Lily…:: I was out of my mind, that was the moment I realized what I’ve done, but there was no way back. I made a thorough cleanup.

:: Lily took a deep breath. She wasn't angry, and she tried not to be judgmental, but the revelation was like finding out her friend was physically abusing herself - she wasn't sure what to say, once it had been revealed, because she had her own views on the subject. Across from her, Hayden was shaking his head again. ::

Ventu: Vo, that was months ago, almost half a year. Have you .... you haven't told anyone in all that time?

Satscher: I was trying to tell you, to relay my problem but from the moment we set foot on Tiger it was one big adventure. Even now wonder how come that the ship is still in one piece. When approached you during promotion ceremony that was what I wanted to talk to you about, but you and Hayden needed more attention than my problems. You didn’t even left me a chance to congratulate you.

:: Lily remembered. She remembered, anyway, the anxiety knot that had taken the place of her stomach back then, and how she'd likely have not even noticed if her friend had suddenly sprouted another head. ::

Ventu: But you did ... you tried to tell me. ::beat:: And then I was gone. But ... you didn't keep it to yourself?

Satscher: Oh no, I couldn’t. The moment Marcus was taken away, and you left of a sudden I felt betrayed, scared, lonely… I was chased by shadows, my friend, shadows that were more and more frightening every day. I just couldn’t handle it any more. I confessed…

Ventu: ::sharp:: To whom?

:: She hoped it one of the sickbay staff members - not Hayden, since he'd left before Lily, or Ellie, since she'd left on the same ship - but possibly Will Wittburn, or one of the nurses. Or Par Salen, the more-capable-than-he-knew counselor. ::

Satscher: To Sidney…

Ventu: ::sudden breath:: You did? To *Sidney*?

Satscher: At the moment I just didn’t care what is going to be with me. Girl, I was out of my mind of pain. I had to do that.

Ventu: What did she do? I mean, did she...?

:: Lily's hand floated up to her collar, subtly asking if Vojana had been demoted then and there. ::

'Satscher: She was shocked, and… oh she was devastated. I have never seen her being so utterly out of control as then. It was the moment I realized I’m in… in trouble.

Ventu: And then she arrested you?

Satscher: She had to. I made formal confession, she had no choice… ::Cold sweat made Vojana tremble.::

Ventu: Of course she had a choice! The situation should've been contained then and there. There's nothing wrong with your judgment, or with you as a doctor or a Starfleet officer! You were placed in a situation you never should have been with Kelrod, regarding the life of someone you loved.

Satscher: No, my friend, don’t say that. It was and still is hard to accept everything I’ve been through. Don’t tell me I had a choice. I didn’t, oh I didn’t…::Her voice trailed like something was choking her… Vojana closed her eyes to stop tears. ::

Ventu: ::short sigh:: I picked a really rotten time to leave, I guess.

::Vojana couldn’t keep tears any more…::

Satscher: Oh don’t say that, you didn’t have a choice, you had a child to think about…

Ventu: No, you're right, *that* was really not a choice at all. But, still, I wish I could've found some way to postpone it, especially considering this....

Satscher: ::Still through tears…:: No. It’s better this way. I’d got you in trouble, too.

Ventu: ::soft:: For what it's worth, I think you did the right thing. I know I said I don't know what I would've done, but ... I would have done the same thing. Were I in your place.

Satscher: I know. So let’s talk of happier things, how are you, Hayden, hey… ::Vojana gave her serious look…::

Ventu: Sorry. Yes, if you want to talk about something else, that's fine.

Satscher: Hey girl, you gave me a call. ::Vojana said wiping tears…::

Ventu: Yes, yes. ::a bit awkward:: Listen, I never got the chance to thank you for making me go after Hayden, and I, just, well. You knew I was pregnant.

Satscher: Yes I know… is everything OK?

Ventu: Well, it *was*. I gave premature birth a couple of weeks ago, but he's been in the NICU since then. I can take him home, though. Tomorrow!

Satscher: Oh, is child Ok. Brain, heart, lungs.. are they developed, but must be, if he’s going home.::Vojana covered her mouth with hand, but this time behind it was a smile.:: Oh I’m so happy for you. Oh those are great news…

Ventu: I was thinking, too.... You remember Quinn Reynolds, right?

Satscher: Yes?????

Ventu: Well, I asked her to be his godmother, but I wonder if he couldn't have two.... Vo, would you be his godmother?

Satscher: Oh yes, yes, yes. Oh Lily, I’m honored. But, I don’t know how. I still cannot leave ship. Oh, no, no, no, no nothing can disturb such a great news. ::Vojana squeezed edge of table again. But this time kept smile on her face.:: Have you decided on a name?

Ventu: But that's the beauty of it - you wouldn't have to leave. If you said yes, you'd just *be* his godmother. ::beat:: And, no. I still don't have a name. I want to ... I want to feel him in my arms, you know? ::another beat:: You don't have suggestions, do you?

Satscher: If I can choose one may it be Vedran, to shine with optimism as a name say!

Ventu: Vedran. Hmm....

:: She slid a PADD over and marked the name down. It wasn't bad, but she'd have to think about it with the rest of her short list. ::

Satscher: I spoke of me and my life, and you… I don’t even know where you are. Where is Hayden, are you together. And you mentioned Quinn, wow, how come she ended with you, after all?

Ventu: Wellllll then, let me tell you. From DS17, Hayden came back in Antares and picked me up. From there, I was supposed to go to Starbase 118, and that journey was fairly tame, at least until the last ten minutes. Long story short, there was an alien creature perched on the base that was draining its power and the power of any ships in the general area, and we had to stop it.

Satscher: Uh it was a trip to remember, and you ended…

Ventu: ...up in Engineering, strangely enough. I contacted some folks who were after this alien to get their power-jamming modifications and brought them back to the base. I guess that managed to impress some people, Captain Rocar among them, and I got transferred into the Diplomatic Corps. I'm heading up the diplomatic division here, with Hayden...

:: She beckoned him forward, and he stepped into the frame. ::

Ventu: As my chief medical man.

Hayden: Hi, Doc.

Satscher: ::Vojana just bowed to handsome surgeon. She trembled slightly realizing he was there allalong.::

Ventu: And Quinn's around on the Starbase, too, doing the same thing for its intelligence wing.

Satscher: Wow, I’m… ::Vojana offered her opened smile of joy.:: I’m proud of you, oh I’m honored to know you! Both of you!

Ventu: ::smiling:: Well, thank you. The feeling's mutual, and I'm *not* just saying that.

Satscher: Oh don’t say that… I’m… are you sure you want to be connected with me Lily, I’m still considered criminal. ::Vojana inhaled hard, as a pain cut through her chest.:: I am Lily. It is not some kind of mistake, I did it. It CAN be a problem, my friend…::A single tear from each eye fell down her cheeks…::

Ventu: ::shaking her head:: But just because you did it doesn't mean it wasn't a mistake.

Satscher: Are you sure Hayden agree with you?

Ventu: Yes.

:: And she looked up at him. Not glared, because she could still see both of them, but he crossed his arms and sighed. ::

Hayden: I understand Riley's point of view. She was an M.D., and there's a certain line between personal concerns and medical responsibility that you just don't cross. ::beat:: But I do agree with Lily. You can't understand why you'd have to cross the line until it's someone you love down there. ::another beat:: There's no way I could make any kind of cognizant choice if Lily was on the table. I mean, if it was just me, I'd try, but if there was any way to avoid the situation, I would.

Satscher: I can hardly believe you two saying things like that. Not Par nor Riley can understand, even Wittburn… ::sigh:: he’s silently accepting my choice, but not even he can understand…

Ventu: But you're still the CMO, aren't you? You kept your medical license, you didn't have to miss a year or re-do a residency?

Satscher: Oh, yes. Starfleet Medical wanted my license, ::strong shiver:: but Sid, oh she put herself in a line of fire, did everything to save me. It is hard being constantly supervised, and shadowed. My every decision approved, but I could end much worse. As I said, I’m luckiest fool in Galaxy. Trust me, anywhere else I’d have much harder time. They maybe don’t understand, but they care enough not to make it harder than have to be.

Ventu: Then ... that's good. I mean, none of this was best-case scenario, but at least it wasn't worst.

Satscher: Absolutely not. Sooooo, when I’m going to see my godson? I expect one long message with lot of pictures and SOON. When they give him to you, give him one long warm kiss for me. Love him, and cherish every moment with him. Children KNOW when they are loved and that makes them grow into strong and good people. Call me… ::With those words Vojana tapped the monitor closing subspace link… She was sitting there long, long time, smiling..::

Lieutenant Commander Lily Ventu

Diplomatic Attaché / General Envoy

Starfleet Diplomatic Corps

Starbase 118 Operations

and

Lieutenant J.G. Vojana Minerva Satscher

Chief Medical Officer

USS Tiger