SIM:Nicholotti (Genkos Adea) Losing My Religion

((Docking Rings, Deep Space 224))

As they slunk out of the room quickly and quietly, Genkos offered Kalianna his left arm. They made their way out into the main corridor that connected the function room to the rest of the bar, and then noise from both muffled slightly. The loudest noise was the tapping of the metal ferrule on the bottom of his cane upon the floor. It seemed louder in such an enclosed space, and it made Genkos extremely self-conscious - how he’d felt when he first needed the cane, over a decade ago.

Soon, however, the noise almost became a rhythmic background sound, and there was a strange, unusual pleasure from the physical contact. The lights became less harsh as they entered one of the docking rings, and Genkos turned his head slightly towards his companion.

Adea: So, what’s up? I wouldn’t have thought you’d flee such a social occasion…

Nicholotti: I wanted some time to think. And to make sure you are alright.

She shot him a look that went from his inky black eyes down to the cane. The pit of Genkos’ stomach gave way, and he closed his eyes briefly. He should have expected it; as his Captain, his friend and his… undefined, she would naturally be concerned how a sojourn to his old ship for a few days visitation should lead to his reappearance with a stick. Only natural, really.

Adea: Ah, of course. Suffice to say, a mental maelstrom of my own design came crashing down on myself and the crew, and the outcome was, well, plenty of trauma and a return of the dreaded psychosomatic leg pains. The doctors on Deluvia told me they’d fade after a while, and I’m already noticing a difference.

This wasn’t necessarily true. But she didn’t need to know that.

Nicholotti: Want to talk about it?

Genkos considered in silence for a moment, wondering exactly how to phrase his response. He very much wanted to move on, but he also desperately needed to talk about it. His appointment with Meidra couldn’t come soon enough.

Adea: Not really, but also not at all. Trapping all my friends and former colleagues in a waking nightmare of mine own creation was not how I was planning to spend my leave. The guilt really is something, you know..?

Their walk continued, but they slowed, approaching the umbilical to the ship, and it was at their closest vantage point that Kalianna came to a stop, Genkos halting beside her. He stared out at the ship that she had called home, and that he now considered his. They’d had a lot of adventures in that last year, and a lot of near misses. He was grateful that neither the ship nor the crew seemed to exhibit huge scars of that time. Well, not externally at least.

Nicholotti: I know how you feel. ::She paused only a moment and then tore her attention from the ship and locked eyes with him.:: I honestly know how that path goes.

Genkos offered her a sad smile, a smile of commiseration. Like almost all Starfleet officers that he’d served with, she too had her own share of regret and trauma. Hells, by the four, she had more than her fair share.

Adea: Of course. ::the smile slipped away:: Where does it lead?

Kalianna turned and leaned back against the trim that ran the length of the bulkhead under the windows, slipping her hand from his arm and taking his hand with it instead. He felt the blood rush through his veins as her thumb gently caressed the top of his hand. He stared intently at the connection for a moment, before looking back up at her.

Nicholotti: You've read my file, but there's enough not in there to make it three times as long. What they don't ever warn you about trauma is the nightmares. And nightmares aren't always relegated to the unconscious world.

He let out a mirthless exhalation through his nose, and blinked slowly as he did so. This was something he was now intimately familiar with. His mind, albeit overpowered by a symbiotic lifeform, had transported the bulk of the crew back to the universe where they were members of the Maquis Reborn, and not Starfleet officers. It had been a living nightmare, one that drew many influences from Genkos subconscious mind.

Adea: Isn’t that the truth? ::he sighed, and tapped his cane against his foot impatiently:: I know nobody died, not for real, but I just wish I didn’t have all these… regrets. According to Erin, nobody over there blames me, and for many of them it’s fading like a bad dream. But still, I regret.

Shooting him a smile, she squeezed his hand reassuringly and a slight ringing began in his ears. His mind was awash on a tumultuous sea of emotions, waves of romantic feeling crashing against the shore of bitter regret, whilst the ship of time… no, that’s too far.

Nicholotti: I don't think there's ever been a good officer without some kind of regret. And that's probably a good thing. It's our failures more than our successes that make us who we are. It is our missteps that we learn the most from. At least I feel I have.

That was very true. He was still rueing that young man who, on his very first away mission, had said the wrong thing to the wrong person and had nearly caused a death. He learned more on that day that he felt he had in all the away team simulations at the Academy.

Adea: You are a wise one, Kalianna. ::he grinned at her:: If this Starfleet thing doesn’t work out, you should become a priest of some kind. ::he wiggled his head:: Assuming you believe, of course.

Leaning her head to the side, Kalianna nodded, although a part of her face seemed tinged with melancholic feeling.

Nicholotti: My beliefs are colored by the experiences I've had. Ultimately, I think the universe strives for balance. Sometimes we are caught on the good side of that equation. Sometimes, we are not. Whether or not there is something outside of that, I do not know. I just think that we should do as much good as we can regardless.

Adea: ::grinning mischievously:: And damned be the consequences?

With a bit of a knowing smile and an intense fire behind the blue of her eyes, she looked at him, and he felt her gaze bring the blood rushing to his cheeks.

Nicholotti: I have a bad habit of challenging the universe. Regardless of what comes this way, I am here. We can walk this path together.

She almost seemed taken aback by the depth of her own feeling, and he felt it come from her in rose-tinted tendrils in his mind. He briefly closed his eyes and rebuilt that wall in his mind’s eye; it wouldn’t do to read her mind. Although sensing emotions was different, he still wasn’t necessarily comfortable with it.

Adea: I’d like that.

There was a pause, and Genkos could feel Kalianna’s inward debate about opening up. It wasn’t a telepathy thing, it was just obvious in the flickers across her face and the furrowing of her brow.

Nicholotti: There's power in knowing you're not alone. It's been a long time since I didn't feel alone. Most everyone I knew, everyone I've loved...gone.

Her voice cracked over the last word, and that sound broke his heart. He immediately drew her in closer and put his spare hand (the one not clutching hers) onto her shoulder, his cane leaning against the bulkhead.

Adea: Well I’m here for you now.

A tight squeeze from her hand made him squeeze back, and then he took a step back. Footsteps could be heard coming from somewhere, although quite where from he wasn’t sure. He gave her a long, lingering glance coupled with a tight lipped smile. Then they both turned slightly, and began the amble back to the ship.

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