SIM:Lt. Cmdr. Kevin Breeman - Choice
Kevin comes to the realization that he is better suited to the work of chief engineer than he is to being a first officer.
((Park Area - Starbase 118))
::Kevin found himself at the entry to a park facility as he looked about for more to do. Everyone seemed now to be sure what they needed to do, and what needed to be done. The early morning light brought harbingers of daylight, birds beginning to chirp and the holographic sunlight rising, its sumulated horizon glinting in the distance.::
::He whispered softly to himself,::
Breeman: Why are you here?
::The answer came not at once but as a steady influx of obligations to this or that department, demands that he give reports on how the starbase was running to each wing of the civillian government. But at the center of it all were a few faces. The young engineers looked back at him, still wondering how to deal with that virus. And he'd been the only officer aboard who'd had an idea. Sure Sarah had shared in his research on the old isolinear chip, but she'd been interested more in the discrete components.
Engineering was without leadership, officers here and there trying to keep their various sections of it intact. A virus had nearly destroyed the starbase under Kevin's nose. And yet here he was, writing reports, directing yellow alerts. He had confidence that a chief engineer would arise sooner or later. No, it wasn't confidence. It was fear. He feared that he would be forever pulled away from....::
Breeman: Why are you here?
::He sat at one of the park benches and ran his fingers across his face. He didn't want to be here. The realization came like an unwelcome cold spell on an otherwise warm day. It felt like the entire structure of the starbase was calling to him, every ship demanding he attend to her every need. And here he was, stuck dealing with personnel issues.::
Breeman: I can't do this...
::He whispered it to himself like it was a forbidden oath exchanged between children not entirely certain what they were saying.::
((Flashback - Breeman Residence, Earth, 11 Years Ago))
Jan: You’ve got to start taking responsibility for yourself.
::He nodded slowly. Then, speaking in monotone, draining all emotion from his voice as he imagined himself as a tight fortress able to withstand any emotional assault, he said,::
Breeman: I am joining Starfleet. That’s going to be my career.
::His mother looked thoughtfully a moment.::
Jan: Have you ever stopped to think maybe you’re just looking for another.... ‘institution’ as you’d call it..... to take care of you so you won’t have to?
Breeman: I’m not.
::Frustrated, his mother continued,::
Jan: I mean think of it. You’d have the dorms, then quarters on a ship. You’d have a commander telling you what to do every day. No need to decide for yourself.
Breeman: That’s not why I’m joining! I want to explore! I don’t want to be stuck in a regular pattern of living every day, working nine-to-five!
::His mother rolled her eyes at the 21st century colloquialism he’d obviously gotten from reading his great grandfather’s journal again.::
Jan: Then start facing the real world of today!
::Whenever he heard that Kevin felt a raw terror in the pit of his stomach. The thought of being on his own, at the mercy of the world around him, seemed too much. He couldn’t measure up.::
::And yet he had made his choice. He really had measured up. And he'd measured himself. He couldn't stay here. He needed to be a part of the solution to the technological problems, where he didn't feel so much at the mercy of the emotions and attitudes of the people around him, depending on him for leadership.::
::He stood up and walked out of the park, a feeling of dread mixed with resentment descending upon him. He had to get back to engineering. Somehow.::
Lt. Cmdr. Kevin Breeman
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