SIM:Lt. Alana Devar: Meeting with Kirov
((Time Warp: Counselor's office, After the Meeting))
::Alana had spent the better part of her morning gathering some of her personal belongings that adorned the room with such intense Betazoid upbringings. Some paintings on the walls she would leave, as most of her patients had commented on how peaceful it made them feel when they spoke to her of their innermost turmoil. After this, she would have to go down and pick up her new 'command red' uniform. She glanced down to the blue catsuit uniform regulated to her since she was an Ensign. As a commanding officer, she would have to set a formal standard and decided to go for the stiff suits. It was more...appropriate.::
::Setting a box down full of potted plants and frames harnessing images, Devar idly shifted the back of her hand to her forehead. It was a tedious job, and she knew she needed to spend more time at the gym. She had been wallowing in deep dishes of uttaberry crepes, cups of sweet desserts and gawking over chocolate bon-bons for far too long these last few weeks. Deciding to make a mental note to visit the holodeck later, she thought of maybe doing some exercises with Idril. She had heard her friend knew the ropes of some excellent workouts, maybe she could help in shedding some of this indulgence off. She would, in turn, show the Trill some things she had encountered on Vulcan.::
::It was then the counselor's doors swooshed open to reveal Lt. Kirov looking very weary eyed. Her concern shifted from her ever-budding curves to the sorrow washing over the man's soul.::
Kirov: Hello? Anybody here?
Devar: Yes, Mr. Kirov... Welcome. I was just packing some things. Counselor Coy is out at the moment...
Kirov: Congratulations on being promoted Sir.
::She smiled warmly. Alana knew he wasn't here to discuss her newly appointed reassignment. Something was eating at his psyche, but she decided to allow him to speak up about it first. After all, she didn't want to be so forthcoming.::
Devar: Thank you. And, please, don't call me sir... I prefer Alana. I've never been much on formalities.
Kirov: I was wondering....um....I need your services as ship's counselor.
Devar: ::cocking an eyebrow:: What for?
Kirov: I need to talk to you about how people feel about me on this ship.
::Alana nodded, indicating her pleasure in talking with him. Counselor Curzon Coy was the newly assigned head of counseling, but she knew that Johnathon wanted to speak about it immediately. How could she turn him down? She was an excellent listener and cared about this crew immensely. Walking over to the lavish couch, Kirov seated himself with Alana following suit into the counselor's chair.::
Kirov: About two days ago I was walking through the ship's corridors to the holodeck when I overheard a conversation between one of our new crew members and one that has been on this ship for a while. The new crewman had asked about what the senior staff was like on the Independence and the other one was giving him the run down officer by officer. We've all received that talk or given it at one point or another.
Devar: Standard inquiries for anyone new to a vessel. Such talks are consistent and natural, given any species in question.
Kirov: It wasn't the idea of the talk that got me it was just the first line of the conversation that got me. He said "Well one of the officers you don't have to worry about is LtJg Kirov, our Chief of Operations, he's more of an unofficial Morale officer than anything else. He throws great parties at the end of every mission."
::Alana watched Kirov pause, reflecting on the crewman's words. She tilted her head and allowed him to continue without interruption, watching his mannerisms and staying alert to his tone.::
Kirov: Is that all I am to this crew? Everybody else is known for their position on ship. Wilde is respected as Chief of Security. Horne is respected as Chief Engineer and who am I? ...I'm just the unofficial Morale Officer......When is someone going to see to my Morale?
Devar: John, I'm sure whoever this crewmember was didn't mean it that way. Everyone has an opinion about everything. Just because they think they're right, doesn't mean they are. Everyone on this ship has been assigned to their particular station per their preferences and qualifications. That does not make them any better or deserving of more respect than you. Whether it be medical, science, engineering, security, tactical...the point is everyone has their light in a certain position that no one else could ever fill. They are unique, and so are you. I've never seen anyone capable to work on the bridge as you do. Whoever said this really didn't know what they were talking about...
Kirov: I died in the last mission. Can you even begin to know what that feels like?
::She hesitated before answering. Feeling the sadness and pain emit from him, she narrowed her dark eyes as she brought up the pain into her own body. Not only emotionally, but it was physically trying. She, herself, nearly died in the monstrosity in Engineering. However, the case was different with Johnathon. Alana really didn't remember much...only the first twenty-four hours of agonizing pain of being without screening abilities. LtJG Kirov, however, seemed to remember every detail, every shed of his being shattering into pieces to an unknown oblivion...::
Devar: I can only imagine.
Kirov: I wouldn't have believed you if you said you did. You see when the Serpentai restored me to life there were changes. They didn't bring me back quite right.
Devar: What do you mean?
Kirov: There are some mental difference. I know how to wield that power glaive that I came back with like an expert and I have memories of training with it which aren't mine and I can read Iconian like its my second language.
oO Enhanced knowledge? Very strange... O.
Devar: Perhaps the merging with the guardian left an imprint on your psyche. Is the knowledge a problem, or is it something more?
Kirov: The memories aren't the problem. I've marshaled them to my command and am using them as a tool. What the problem is my body.....
Devar: ::gently:: Elaborate, please...
Kirov: It's not mine. My original body had two distinguishing features. One was a scar from my childhood which I got when I feel out of a tree and had a branch impaled through my shoulder blade. It sort of reminded me that I wasn't immortal.
Devar: And, the other...?
Kirov: The second was a small tattoo. It was of our family crest and it was a family tradition that the men of the Kirov family have it tattooed on the smalls of their back.....It's gone now.....Do I still belong to my family.....Do I still deserve this existence?
Devar: ::warmly:: Of course you do, Johnathon. It's not the body that makes you *you*, but the spirit and mind that encompasses within.
::Beings would often feel out of place with themselves and detached from their lives from such experiences as these. Some examples Alana thought instantly of was when Jean-Luc Picard was assimilated by the Borg as Locutus, then trying to reform himself into society; and when the Voyager crew discovered and individualized Seven of Nine. The feelings were normal. Mortally normal.::
Kirov: I just need someone to talk too.
Devar: You know you can always talk to me, John. Both Curzon and myself are here for you whenever you need us. Don't feel like you can't come to us because you *can*. It doesn't make you any weaker. In fact, isolating your troubles and dealing with them make you a stronger individual. In any case, what you are feeling is normal...
Devar: Listen to me. Do not ever doubt yourself or your abilities. I've seen your service record and you are a *fine* officer. You deserve this existence, don't EVER doubt that. You have a beautiful wife that loves you and a child that needs a father. Don't you want to watch your offspring grow into a fine human being like Natasha and yourself? Don't you think they are worth an existence? How would Natasha feel if you said that in her company?
Devar: How would you feel if the situations were reversed and Natasha felt that way?
::Alana stood and moved over beside him on the couch, placing a reassuring hand on the man's shoulder.::
Devar: ::smiling warmly:: Case in point. If the tattoo is a problem, get another one that's exactly the same. More scars will maim your body as life progresses in its natural state. Don't think of your body as a foreign vessel...it's the same. You look the same, act the same... Maybe the Serpentai just healed old wounds, or what they thought were anyway.
::Keeping the warm smile on her face, the newly appointed Second Officer rose to her feet, patting the Chief of Operations on his back.::
Devar: If you need to talk further on the matter, in emotional aspects anyway, feel free to contact Counselor Coy. He's here for your disposal, and the designated counselor, so don't be afraid to ask for his guidance if you so need it. If you're afraid that the other officers view you as only a 'morale' officer, come to me. I'll be happy to assign you new, fresh and exhilarating assignments as the newly appointed Second Officer.
Devar: ::grinning while elevating an eyebrow:: We'll show them what Johnathon Kirov can do! Agreed?
Lieutenant Alana Devar