SIM:Lael Rosek - In So Many Words, Part II (Victory)
"In So Many Words, Part I"
|Lieutenant Junior Grade Lael Rosek
USS Victory NCC 362447
"In So Many Words, Part III"
((USS Victory - Deck 5 - Counseling))
Kaji: Do you think those emotions were caused by the stress?
:: Janel wasn’t sure specifically which emotions the counsellor was referring to but undoubtedly it was a contributing factor to most if not all of them and of course there was the drug too. ::
Tarna: A contributing factor certainly and that drug didn’t help.
Rosek: ::blushes:: That's private!
Rosek: ::drops her gaze to her hands:: ::murmurs:: You want the honest truth? Well, here it is. ::swallows roughly:: I was kicked off out of the Command track because I couldn't stand the thought of other people being tortured. I was in control--until they dragged him away and hung him in that freezer ::shudders:: It took everything I had to keep a straight face and keep a level head. ::whispers:: I thought I was sparing him by negotiating to take his place. ::scrubs her face with her hands, fighting back tears:: I was on the verge of hypothermia when they took me back. It was worth it though. I'd spared him that. ::shakes her head and rasps:: But no. Instead of just taking him back to his cell, they waterboarded him. ::pauses:: Do you know what waterboarding is?
:: Kaji knew more than she wanted to about waterboarding, but the woman was talking openly now so she didn’t want to stop her. She shook her head and motioned for Rosek to continue.::
Rosek: They pour water over your face repeatedly...but not before they put cover your mouth with material. It may not sound like much and you'd think you'd be able to overcome the torture with reason. ::shakes her head:: After a few minutes, all logic goes out the window. You feel like you're slowly suffocating to death, but no matter how much you struggle, you can't break free of it. ::exhales a shaky breath:: God only knows how long he had to endure that.
Kaji: ::trying to stay clear and professional, she asked quietly:: And then what happened?
Rosek: ::clears her throat:: After they brought me back from the freezer, he ::blushes:: We clung to each other for warmth and for comfort. ::shivers:: It wasn't long before they came back for us a second time. A guard, he patted me down--nice and slow. I--I tried to put on a brave face--like they taught us in training. Tried to ignore the whispered, "I'll enjoy breaking you that much more." Tried not to let it faze me. ::a couple tears break free:: ::licks her lips nervously:: On the way out of the cell, the guard--the one who had patted me down--slapped my rear and whispered into my ear ::shudders:: "Maybe you're not as strong and brave as you thought, eh?"
:: Kaji felt sick and closed her eyes. She thanked the Almighty Artist that she’d been kept by robotic guards. They hadn’t been terribly gentle, but there also hadn’t been any needless cruelty. Rosek seemed to be lost in memory, possibly not completely aware of who she was talking too, so Kaji stayed quiet.::
Rosek: ::murmurs:: At some point, we started talking, Janel and I--about home, about family, anything but where we were and what was happening. ::smiles:: Strange. We found out that we had a lot in common, namely control-freak mothers who wanted us to be something that we weren't. As I got to know him better, I--::blushes:: there was something between us almost from the start. For my part, it was curiosity. Simple things--like the way he held me, the sound of his voice. ::gaze drops to her hands:: I hadn't been held or touched or talked to that way since my ex-husband Jensar. ::pauses:: Janel reminds me a lot of him. So passionate, so soft-hearted, so considerate. ::laughs softly:: I woke up at one point thinking it was Jensar holding me and I almost kissed him.
Kaji: Did you care for her before the prison?
:: Oh. The follow up question suggested perhaps the previous one had been more geared towards his romantic feelings. Fortunately his response had been broad enough to cover that. He shifted position a little, relaxing a touch. Discussing Lael was easier than discussing the other things given how much he cared for her. ::
Tarna: No, we hadn’t met before this mission actually.
Kaji: When did you first kiss him?
Rosek: ::murmurs:: Actually, it wasn't long after that. Somewhere along the line, the topic of our torture came up. ::worries her lip:: He just looked so lost and in so much pain--I just reacted. I was scared that he'd be angry at me for taking advantage. ::breathlessly:: But then he told me he--he liked it. If it hadn't been for my injured ribs and if we hadn't been interrupted...::blushes::
:: Talia found it interesting how intertwined her memories of the trauma were with her memories of Tarna. It could result in trouble down the line if she couldn't learn how to compartmentalize. She was having trouble herself separating thoughts of her fellow prisoners with the prison itself. Was it possible to disentangle memories? To forge a completely fresh relationship? She tried to bring the conversation back around to the experience itself.::
Kaji: How did your ribs get broken? During the torture?
Rosek: ::laughs without humor:: I never told him. Not all of it. He asked, but I couldn't bring myself to tell him everything. ::tears flowing freely:: They made me strip off my uniform and told me to get on my knees. When I wouldn't, they forced me down. ::swallows roughly:: Every time I refused to do something they told me, they'd hit or kick me. My abdomen, my face--::exhales shakily:: Then they touched me--groped me like beasts in heat, murmuring filthy things, laughing at me. ::shudders:: Their hands were like fire against my skin, burning and searing. ::gaze drops to her hands:: It was humiliating.
Kaji: ::She grimaced in sympathy.:: I'm sorry.
Kaji: And what are your feelings towards her now?
Tarna: My feelings for her are unchanged. I’m completely crazy in love with her in a way I haven’t been with anyone else. It’s really very intense.
:: This was putting it mildly. The two of them could barely keep their hands off each other. Whenever they were around each other it didn’t take long for their attraction to take over. ::
:: Kaji smiled a little, thinking of young love and its complete disregard for reality. It was a beautiful, carefree feeling.::
Rosek: ::pauses:: At first when we got back, things were complicated. The drug was barely out of my system and was still working a number on his. I knew how I felt, but...neither of us were sure how he really felt. ::pauses:: We avoided each other for a few days until we ran into each other in the mess hall late one night. And it all just sort of spilled out from there. ::gaze drops to her hands:: I assume you can piece together what happened from there.
Kaji: How did you feel about that development?
Rosek: ::blushes:: It took me completely off guard. It was an instant connection. Uncontrollable attraction. It was inevitable, really. ::smiles:: But instead of fading when we did finally give in to it, it grew stronger. He's the best kind of distraction with the worst timing.
Kaji: Do you think it was too soon to get so serious?
Rosek: Honestly? ::shrugs:: Maybe. ::grins impishly:: But that hasn't really stopped us.
Kaji: And what are your feelings towards him now?
::She reflected on recent events.::
Rosek: ::sombers:: As much of a mess as we both are right now, there is one thing I'm certain of. If it came down to my life or his, I wouldn't hesitate to take his place. As for our future... ::shrugs:: bring it on.
:: Kaji admired her determination, but the relationship was born out of stress and might not be easy to keep alive. Sometimes it could be easier to die for someone than to live with them from day to day. Would these two ever be able to have an ordinary relationship, and did they even want to? Couples counselling could come later, though. Right now the important thing was to see how she was coping with her recent trauma.::
TBC in Part III
Lt Talia Kaji
LtJG Janel Tarna