SIM:Lael Rosek - I Have Something To Tell You Part II (Gorkon)
"I Have Something To Tell You, Part I"
|Lieutenant Lael Rosek
USS Gorkon NCC 82293
"A Family Reunion of Sorts, Part I"
((Rosek’s Quarters, USS Gorkon))
Orrey: :: Jansen stood up and nodded his head. :: Good evening ladies. I'm going to go somewhere that friends don't try to pull rank on you in casual conversation.
:: He turned and headed for the door cooly and calmly. ::
Rosek: ::expression softens and she sighs:: Wait.
:: He stopped and turned looking at her. ::
:: Lael strode across the room, stepping in front of him, and paused a moment before laying a hand on his cheek, encouraging him to look her in the eyes. ::
Rosek: :: murmurs :: I’m sorry. That was out of line. ::brushes a stray strand of hair from his face:: I’m really worried about you, Jansen. You’ve been off since you got back. At first, I put it down to re-adapting to ship life, but...you lean more on your cane than you did before...and you’re white as a sheet. Sometimes, you get this far away look in your eyes and… ::shivers:: It’s like my nightmares come to life.
Orrey: Nightmares still?
Rosek: :: nods :: I can’t help this nagging sense that something’s not right. I can’t describe it. When I’m around you, it’s stronger.
Orrey: I'm sorry to hear that.
Rosek: :: murmurs :: Jansen, it’s me. :: pauses :: Tell me, please. You can trust me.
:: Dassa averted her gaze. As curious as she was about what was behind the coughing fits, she knew better than to insert herself into what was clearly a private moment. ::
Orrey: :: looking at her in his simple honest style. :: I'm sick that's the truth. I'm not lying to either of you.
Rosek: :: sighs :: No. You’re not. But you’re also not telling me everything. ::studies him intensely:: You’re scared. I can feel it. You’re trying to hide it, but it’s too strong.
Orrey: :: Flatly. :: I'm sick.
Rosek: :: rasps :: After all we’ve been through and you can’t tell me?
Orrey: Oh...Instead of a personal insult, maybe that is part of my motivation for not telling you?
Rosek: ::swallows roughly:: I said that I was sorry, Jansen. I meant it. My temper got the better of me. I’m trying to fix it. Let me.
Orrey: :: puts his hand up and cuts her off. :: You aren't listening. It has zero to do with us breaking up. Instead of something selfish like hurting you, maybe I'm not telling you so you don't worry.
Rosek: :: laughs humorlessly :: Why do you always have to play the part of the martyr? ::grabs his free hand with her free hand and lays it against her cheek:: I’m a big girl. I can handle a bit of harsh truth.
:: Jansen narrowed his eyes for a moment, before pulling his hand back and leaning close to her. ::
Orrey: :: flatly looking her directly in the eyes.:: I'll be dead in less than a year.
:: Lael exhaled sharply, the point blank statement hitting her in the chest, stealing the air from her lungs. For a long moment, she didn’t move, scarcely daring to draw a breath. As the news sank in, she hugged him tightly. ::
Rosek: :: rasps :: Oh, Jansen. ::pulls back and cups his face in her hands :: What…?
Orrey: :: he returned the hug. :: I'm dying. Slowly and probably painfully the closer it gets unless I can stop it somehow.
Rosek: :: breathes :: Do they--your doctors, I mean--do they know what’s wrong?
Orrey: To an extent. I'm looking for others. The whole hyperactivity thing, it's wearing my body out, going to start breaking down.
Rosek: And they don't know how to stop it?
Orrey: :: Shaking his head. :: Not Starfleet medical, not Earth geneticists, no one on Vulcan.
Rosek: ::pauses:: What about using nanites? They won't fix it entirely, but it might buy you some more time. They did for me.
Orrey: Thought about that. First, they won't be able to keep up with the projections. At best it will be a series of plateaus during the most painful parts.
:: Dassa grimaced. This was getting awkward. She paused, moving to envelope Jansen in an awkward hug. ::
Alexander: I’m so sorry, Jansen.
Orrey: :: hugging her back earnestly. :: No worries.
Alexander: :: pulls back and squeezes his hand:: We’ll talk later. ::glances at Lael:: I think you two need some time alone. You have a lot to talk about.
:: It wasn’t easy walking away in that moment. She knew that whatever had existed between her and Lael wouldn’t be leaving with her. Whether or not Lael and Jansen got back together...whether or not Jansen survived...she and Lael were friends and that was all they’d ever be. With a sigh, she exited the room, the doors swishing closed behind her. ::
:: Jansen sighed and sank a little in his stance. He was getting tired. It was time to leave and go curl up with Edgar maybe read. ::
Rosek: :: shakes her head :: Stay. I'm not expecting anything. Just, please...stay. Let me help of you...like you helped me.
Orrey: What do you mean?
Rosek: :: murmurs :: You were always there for me. You don't have to do this alone. You made me feel safe. ::hugs him and brushes her lips against his cheek:: Let me do that for you.
Orrey: I appreciate that. Right now I just want to rest some.
Rosek: :: murmurs and takes his hand :: Then rest.
Orrey: :: sighing. :: For a moment, I still have to feed Edgar. :: He let her lead him. ::
:: She tried not to let her disappointment and frustration show. If she allowed herself to, she'd read more into the statement than he really meant. She’d take what he could give and she wouldn't be greedy. How could she when this was about him? He was dying and if she couldn't show selflessness and compassion now, when could she? ::
:: He sat back down in the chair she led him to and he nodded some. ::
:: It was an awkward silence. She sighed in frustration. She was doing it again. Trying to be selfless, but only succeeding at being more selfish. ::
Rosek: :: murmurs :: You don't have to stay if you don't want. I was only trying to be supportive...but now I feel like I'm just causing you more stress. ::grimaces:: I'm not good at being friends with exes. :: shakes her head :: But you...you're different. I don't want to lose you from my life...even if I have to spend the rest of it figuring out how to be the best friend I can be to you. Even if that's all this… :: motions between them :: ...will ever be.
Orrey: Want a hint?
Rosek: ::grins wryly:: I can take all the help I can get.
Orrey: Stop using that excuse. Stop calling me an Ex. I am your friend.
:: Lael wanted to scream in protest. She hated that word. She’d heard it so many times in her life. It was always the same reason: she sucked at relationships. “Hey, it didn't work out...but we can still be friends”. She couldn't stop the tears of frustration from rolling down her cheeks. She tried to reign them in. The last thing Jansen needed when dealing with something as life-altering as a terminal illness was to be dealing with a weepy female. He needed her to be strong...to be an anchor. She wiped the tears away, focusing on her breathing to stop more from spilling over. ::
Rosek: ::murmurs:: I'm sorry. I hate that word.
Orrey: Even from me? :: He did move over and comfort her. ::
:: Lael stiffened momentarily before relaxing and accepting his touch. ::
Rosek: :: murmurs :: Especially from you. :: pauses :: I thought I’d finally found happiness...then I had to go and screw it up. :: shakes her head :: And I don't know if I can ever trust myself to get close to someone like that again. It was hard enough fighting my natural tendencies with you these last few weeks--accepting that friendship was all you could--all you wanted--to give.
:: Jansen sat quietly and let her talk, he didn't have it in him to continue the conversation for the ninetieth time. ::
Rosek: :: shakes her head and murmurs :: I'm sorry. I'm being a burden...as usual. I'm supposed to be comforting you. Not the other way around.
Orrey: It's all right.
Rosek: :: murmurs :: I can walk you to your quarters.
Orrey: :: smiling. :: Only if you have a cup of tea before you go.
Rosek: :: smiles wanly :: Ligonian spiced tea?
Orrey: Of course. There's no other.
Lieutenant Lael Rosek
LtJG Dassa Alexander, PD, PDS
Lieutenant Junior Grade Jansen Orrey M.D.