SIM:Lael Rosek - Developments Part II (Gorkon)

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"Developments, Part I"
Lieutenant Lael Rosek
HCO Officer
Starbase 118
USS Gorkon NCC 82293
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((Sto’Vo’Kor Lounge, USS Gorkon))

Rosek: ::shakes her head:: It’s nothing to do with him. He’s charming, sweet...a real gentleman. Everything a girl could ask for. ::sighs:: But…

:: The lingering ‘but’. In her heart, she was still stuck on Jansen and couldn’t bring herself to see past that fact. It was a sensitive subject, but one he didn’t quite know how to smoothe over. ::

Skyfire: He’s not Jansen.

Rosek: ::grins wryly:: No. No, he’s not.

:: He sat quietly with his coffee, unable to think of anything else to add to that. ::

Rosek: ::murmurs:: Most of my life has been spent avoiding commitment. I always figured whoever I tried to settle down with...well, we’d end up like my parents. It’s damned hard to break that vicious cycle. I didn’t exactly have a good model for relationships growing up. Mom didn’t really date much and when she did, it didn’t last more than a week. I didn’t really date growing up either. I had lots of night stands with men and women. ::shrugs:: Never really thought much about it until I met Jansen. Even my brief marriage to Jensar wasn’t about more than lust. ::grins wryly:: Oh, to be young and foolish again. ::sighs::

Skyfire: “What fools, these mortals be.”

Rosek: ::laughs:: Don’t start quoting Shakespeare at me or my brain might just melt. It’s been crazy enough the last few days. ::pauses:: I’m thinking about taking a vacation.

:: Chythar snapped his fingers and looked momentarily discouraged. ::

Skyfire: Drat, and Ah had the entire “To be or not to be” monologue with a touch of brogue ready to go. :: He paused as the latter sentence registered in his head. :: Vacation to where?

Rosek: Luraul. ::smiles:: Dad invited me to stay at his estate and meet his family there.

Skyfire: Interestin’…. :: Again, there wasn’t much he could add. :: It may help ya get your mind in the right place to be away from him, all the distractions.

Rosek: :: nods :: And get me some more time with Dad to work on my gifts.

Skyfire: :: nodding. :: He’d probably be a better mentor than me, anyway.

Rosek: ::laughs:: Nonsense. ::lays her hand on top of his and squeezes reassuringly:: You really should stop getting so down on yourself. What would Alex say?

:: It was a good question, but one he knew his partner’s answer. ::

Skyfire: He’d agree with you. What ah’m sayin’ though is that yer father has more experience with your particular variety of gift than ah do.

Rosek: ::grins:: I know what you meant...but I’ve made it my mission to get you to start talking more positively about yourself. ::teases:: Consider it another lesson in social graces and confidence.

:: Now, he knew he was doomed, and laughed a bit, though whether from fear or amusement was difficult to tell. ::

Skyfire: Oh really?

Rosek: ::grins:: There’s always more to learn, Chythar...even for someone as experienced as me.

:: He nodded faintly. One lesson he knew all too well, as being a doctor required him to keep learning. About his abilities, how to treat telepathic related ailments, etc. ::

Skyfire: Don’t ah know it….

::Lael turned to stare out the viewport, lost in thought for a moment. Truth be told, she wasn’t sure if she wouldn’t rather stay on Luraul with her dad. She’d considered it once...years ago, before the accident. Sighing, she took a sip of her drink. <nowiki>::

Rosek: ::pauses:: I...It’s been hard...coming back to this universe. ::murmurs:: I’m starting to wonder if this is where I’m meant to be.

Skyfire: You mean this isn't what you were hoping it’d be?

Rosek: ::sighs:: Yes...I mean no...I just...I’ve started to realize that there are more important things than Starfleet. It’s all I ever wanted, but now...well, I lost something that mattered more. I’m wondering if it’s not some kind of sign. ::pauses:: She was a teacher and an Engineering consultant. Maybe civilian life wouldn’t be so bad.

:: His brow furrowed in contemplation of her words. She’d talked about nothing outside of the fleet in months, so it was difficult for him to fathom her settling for a little life in the private sector as a civilian. ::

Skyfire: Take the vacation. Maybe by the time ye get back, you’ll have your mind made up what you’re really wantin’.

Rosek: ::nods and her gaze drops to her mug:: I don’t know what I want anymore. ::sighs:: Did I tell you about Abby’s daughter?

:: Again, he arched an inquisitive brow and gave a quick head shake as he sipped his coffee. He had no idea who she was talking about. ::

Rosek: ::grimaces:: Abigail Young. The nurse who died in the other ‘verse.

:: Ah, that brought back painful memories. His eyes closed for a moment as he recalled the death certificate, his name appended to the bottom. ::

Skyfire: Right. Go on.

Rosek: ::murmurs:: Abby’s mom is too old and sick to care for the little girl...and I didn’t know until recently...Abby named me in her will as a secondary guardian.

:: CD nodded faintly and sipped his drink again. A huge responsibility, to be sure. And one of the things that Lael had talked about in better times was being a parent herself, one day. ::

Skyfire: Perhaps it’ll prepare you for motherhood later on? Like a test run.

Rosek: ::grimaces:: It’s pretty permanent, Chythar. The girl is only five. That’s thirteen years until she reaches adulthood...and even then, the responsibility doesn’t stop there. I’m not sure if I’ll ever have a child of my own if I accept guardianship.

Skyfire: Never say never, darling. ::He paused thoughtfully, trying to think of something else to say in regards to this. :: If you don’t, only option left is putting her up for adoption?

Rosek: ::sighs:: Yes. And after all she’s been through, I’d be a horrible person to even consider it.

:: Her features contorted in a mixture of pain and guilt. ::

Rosek: Besides, I feel somewhat responsible for her being an orphan. I was right there. I could have gone back for them. But I a coward. ::lips become a thin line:: We were so close to sealing that damn breach. Just a few more seconds… ::fights back tears::

:: He couldn’t say anything else, truly at a loss for words. Alex and Lael had told him repeatedly that he was a good friend, but now he wasn’t sure. He had another sip of his coffee and made his way around the table to give her a hug, being the only thing he could think of that would show he was being supportive while at the same time unable to add anything to what was already said. ::

:: She accepted the hug, wiping away the tears with her free hand. ::

Rosek: ::murmurs:: I’m okay. ::pulls back and wipes away more tears:: Truth be told, the guilt is part of the reason I’m contemplating civilian life. It’s eating me alive. There’s just so many reminders every day of the hell we went through over there. All of nearly broke me. I can’t tell you how many times Jansen had to pull me back from the brink...literally and metaphorically.

Skyfire: Whatever your decision, Ah’ll be behind ya. All the way.

Rosek: ::smiles:: I almost wish we’d had our little chat that night in the Mess Hall sooner. Would have saved me a lot of heartache.

:: Here, he blinked and wasn’t sure how to reply. Confusion etched into his features, but his extra layers of mental shields prevented him from giving an indication how he was feeling about that statement. ::

Skyfire: Ah see.

Rosek: ::laughs:: I just meant maybe things wouldn’t have gotten as bad for me as they did. Kind of hard to be depressed when you’re trying to help someone else be happy.

Skyfire: Again, Ah’m aware. Tryin’ to make you all laugh was hard.

Rosek: ::grins:: Yeah. I still remember that awkward lesson where you danced with Fabio. That was kind of funny.

Skyfire: Glad Ah’m entertaining at times as well as socially awkward.

Rosek: ::smiles:: We all have our moments. I wish you could have seen me at my first lesson. I stepped on my dance partner's toes so many times he now walks like a duck out of water and tripped over my own feet no less than a dozen times.

:: Chythar just nodded and gave her another hug, wanting to show his support since his words failed him once more. ::

Rosek: ::grins:: Mmm. Lots of hugs tonight. And you look exhausted. ::smirks:: Alex keeping you pretty well worn out?

Skyfire: Nah. Being bad with words.

:: He didn’t add that he was deeply disturbed by the purple hearts, but that was a discussion for a different day. ::

Rosek: ::frowns:: Something else is bothering you, isn't it?

:: He swallowed hard and nodded. Words were not his friend right now. He really wasn’t wanting to talk about it, but that was because he was coming to grips with getting it out in the open with his new counselor. Logs or no logs, it was still disturbing. Even as helpful as Tobian was during CD’s time at the academy, the friendship between them didn’t need his added burden of purple ribbon. ::

Rosek: I know your tells, Chythar. Even if I weren't empathic, it's written all over your face. I understand if you don't want to talk about it… ::squeezes his hand supportively:: But my door is always open. And I mean always.

Skyfire: Thanks. May need to take you up on it. Sometime. :: He let that hang where it was, giving her another hug. ::
PNPC Lt. Lael Rosek
HCO/Engineer Officer
USS Gorkon
As simmed by Dassa Alexander

Lieutenant Commander Chythar Skyfire
Chief Medical Officer
USS Gorkon, NCC-82293