SIM:Lael Rosek - Depressive Rage Part I (Gorkon)
"I Owe You An Apology"
|Lieutenant Lael Rosek
USS Gorkon NCC 82293
"Depressive Rage, Part II"
(( Skyfire’s Quarters ))
:: He was depressed. The JAG thing had bothered him, and he knew he was guilty of it so there was no hope of appeal. Then, there was Alex, the man he loved being shipped off to another vessel. He got dressed, kissing Alex’s tags he wore around his neck and reading them to himself. Full name: Alexander Gordon Blair. Blood Type: AB Positive. Serial Number: RL-274-619. Religious Preference: None. If anything, a reminder that Alex would always be close by despite the fact they were now light years apart. He was under orders to get some rest, but that wasn’t going to happen. Alex had left at 0800, and so with this being shore leave he was not due in medical for a while yet. With a resigned sigh, he got up and fed Devlin, replicating himself a small breakfast and typing out a quick message. ::
TO: Dassa & Lael
Meet me in the gym. Twenty minutes from your opening this message.
:: No reason. He couldn’t put it into text. Between JAG and the transfer, he just felt rage. Maybe a bit more than that also: depression. He ate his breakfast despite not being truly hungry. As Sarah had told him, he had to eat eventually as a hypoglycemic CMO was no good to anyone. Once breakfast had concluded, he took his weight gloves from the closet and headed to the gym. He knew Lael had just returned to the ship from her leave, so it was unlikely she’d miss an opportunity to catch up with a friend. ::
(( Gym, A Few Minutes Later ))
:: He put his gloves on and walked over to the rack where they kept the plates, taking two of the fifty pounders and loading them on an incline bar. He clipped the bars in place before laying on the bench and began a set of thirty reps, keeping his shields in place for the moment. It wasn’t long before the ladies showed up. ::
:: Dassa entered the gym to find Chythar already in the midst of what appeared to be a heavy workout. The message had been cryptic at best, which in and of itself was concerning. ::
Skyfire: Sorry about the clipped message...ah just...today just isn’t one of my better days.
Rosek: ::frowns:: Oh?
:: He racked the bar at the end of his set and sat up. ::
Skyfire: Written or verbal bombshell first?
:: Dassa hesitated a moment. As she suspected, it wasn’t good news and if the anger and pain rolling off of him was any indication, it was far worse news than she’d suspected. ::
Rosek: ::pauses:: Neither one sounds good. I’m not sure I dare to pick.
:: He blew a strand or two of hair from his face and produced the tags from under his shirt. He didn’t know where to start, so figured he’d just drop them both in no order. After all, they were both bombshells which made him depressed. ::
Skyfire: Alex left for the Za, and ah’ve been demoted to lieutenant following a JAG investigation. :: He paused. :: Guilty of excessive force.
Alexander: ::gapes:: Please tell me you aren’t serious!
:: Lael froze, unsure of which news hit her harder: Blair’s transfer or Chythar’s demotion. Without a word, she rushed forward and embraced him tightly, her eyes closing as she fought her own reaction to the news. ::
:: He watched their reactions, his shields still up. He didn’t dare risk dropping them, because he knew his emotions were raw and anger-filled. He didn’t want to expose either one of his friends to that. ::
Skyfire: What would be my motivation for lying, Dassa?
:: He returned Lael’s embrace, adding a few extra layers of shielding to keep himself from unleashing the raw anger on either of his friends. They didn’t need that right now. Neither did he. It would just take time. ::
Alexander: :: stutters :: I--I just. Christ, Chythar. :: moves to hug him. ::
:: He let the hugs happen, his eyes closing as he reminded himself to breathe. The emotions were at war within him, anger winning out over his depression. Still, it was enough to make him feel sick. He hoped he kept that discomfort from his face as the embrace continued. ::
:: Lael knew there was nothing that she could say to make this better. What platitudes could fix this? Not only had Chythar lost the rank he’d worked so hard to achieve, the man he loved was God knew where, far beyond Chythar’s touch. She knew that Alex had been what helped Chythar get past Over There and she was worried that without him, Chythar would fall apart. She only hoped that she and Dassa were good enough replacements for the time being. ::
Alexander: ::murmurs:: Why don’t you and Lael come stay in my quarters tonight so you don’t have to be alone? I know from experience that when it hits the fan, the worst thing for it is to be alone. ::mutters:: Besides, I’ve been a tad lonely myself since Tobian left to take care of things at home.
Skyfire: Ah’d have to get Devlin. Left him there to come meet you two…
Alexander: ::smiles:: He’s more than welcome. We can help you get him and some of your things so it feels more comfortable for you. I think I even have a replicator recipe for a special treat for him.
:: On the one hand, staying with friends in Alex’s sudden absence may lessen the pain. On the other, did he trust himself doing this? Physically or emotionally? He could probably keep his hands to himself, but his emotions he didn’t think he would be able to keep in check, and he didn’t have his rock. He also still had to book the appointment with Izzy. ::
Rosek: We’re here, Chythar. We’re both empaths. We can handle it.
Alexander: :: nods :: Lael is fantastic at it. She does it for me all the time when I have my breakdowns.
Rosek: You need to be able to let go. Holding it in will only exhaust you more.
Skyfire: Yer familiar with the concept of reverse empathy? That’s why ah’m paranoid.
Rosek: :: sombers :: Somlen?
:: He only nodded in answer. They knew the story well enough he didn’t need to recount it, and he was definitely paranoid about a repeat experience. He didn’t trust himself to experience another connection like that with anyone who wasn’t Alex. Not again. ::
Alexander: :: grasps his hands in hers :: I know you’re frightened, Chythar. But we can’t let you be alone. Lael and I can sleep on the pull-out sofa. You can have the bed if you’re that worried about accidental emotional feedback.
:: That was probably the first thing anyone had said to him which made even the slightest amount of sense since Alex left. A willingness to support him, even a contingency for his weird non-innate quirks he obtained through his profession. ::
Skyfire: Okay. :: He kept his eyes shut and tried to relax under their touch. ::
Rosek: ::murmurs:: Good. We just don’t want you to be alone. It’s the last thing you need right now. You need your friends.
::He took a slow, calculated breath as he dropped his shields a bit, praying that they kept theirs up so they could handle his disturbed state of mind. Anger, fear, depression, and loneliness washed off him like rads on a meteor. ::
::Dassa was unprepared at first, but she anchored herself to Lael, using the half Al-Leyan to balance out the range of emotions. Together, they absorbed the feelings and reflected back support, comfort, sympathy, and love. ::
:: Lael took on the brunt of it, feeling them as if they were her own, careful not to allow any emotional feedback. Chythar was skiddish enough after his encounter with Somlen without giving him another reason to shut down. He needed them and if he shut down--She remembered him from Over There and she couldn’t let him go back to that shell of a man. She owed that to Chythar and to Alex. ::
:: Despite their offer, that was as much as he dared to allow through. He didn’t want to just drop all his protection and let them face the full tsunami of conflicted emotional turmoil. He leaned back on the bench and debated doing another set or getting up and sparring with Lael a bit. Truth be told, he didn’t even know where he ranked these days as far as the belt system was concerned. ::
Rosek: ::grins:: You want a match, don’t you?
Skyfire: Do ah now? Is that what’s going through my head, or am ah just thinking it is?
Rosek: ::laughs:: It’s written on your face, Chythar. ::smirks:: Don’t forget. I know you. You usually ask for a match when you’re stressed and want to relieve some frustration.
- He remembered a conversation they had some time ago, back in Sto’Vo’Kor. ::
(( Flashback -- Sto’Vo’Kor Lounge, USS Gorkon SD 239401.31 ))
Rosek: ::frowns:: Something else is bothering you, isn't it?
:: He swallowed hard and nodded. Words were not his friend right now. He really wasn’t wanting to talk about it, but that was because he was coming to grips with getting it out in the open with his new counselor. Logs or no logs, it was still disturbing. Even as helpful as Tobian was during CD’s time at the academy, the friendship between them didn’t need his added burden of purple ribbon. ::
Rosek: I know your tells, Chythar. Even if I weren't empathic, it's written all over your face. I understand if you don't want to talk about it… ::squeezes his hand supportively:: But my door is always open. And I mean always.
Skyfire: Thanks. May need to take you up on it. Sometime. :: He let that hang where it was, giving her another hug. ::
(( End Flashback ))
LtJG Dassa Alexander, ChD, PD, PDS
Lt. Lael Rosek
Lieutenant Chythar Skyfire
Chief Medical Officer
USS Gorkon, NCC-82293