SIM:Breeman Emotional Maturity Story Arc: Pressure Equalizations and PTC Fixes
Kevin Breeman lets off emotions in his quarters fearing that to do so in public would be unprofessional or weak.
((Engineering – USS Independence-A))
((OOC: This entire post takes place sometime between the conclusion of the mission and Cody's post about returning to DS-17))
::Oh God, what a long mission it had been. Kevin thought back on
it as he reviewed some of the reports from the crew. The main computer core was
now back to full efficiency. 8 and B were in suspension. The holodecks were
coming back online.
Tired and hag-ridden from the ordeal of being landed on and then captured ostensibly to be used as a part of a test of human morality, and then almost blown up several times, he had been glad when Lt. Ralik came over to oversee the effort of getting the Phoenix back online.
His face had ached from all the bruising and he couldn't touch it for fear of the searing pain. He remembered how shaken up he'd been just after deactivating the self destruct.::
((Flashback – Engineering – USS Phoenix just after self destruct disarmed))
::The immediate danger passed, Kevin felt a lot less like he was on
high-adrenaline. As the cloud of stress dissipated, Kevin felt it coming back
to him again.
Right there in the centre of his mind was the experience of being detained at knifepoint and of the raw fear that had stopped him from moving or plotting some kind of plan or even thinking. The old sense of shame for feeling what he felt, for being afraid, of wanting to lash out at anyone who looked weaker than his captor – in this case any of his friends – in order to look stronger, crept toward him from the dark recesses of his mind. It was the terror his grandfather felt when he worried that he'd be found out for being afraid when he saw a spider in front of his family during a picnic.::
Apone: Great job man!
Breeman: ::flat and trying to keep his emotions from view:: thanks
Apone: No seriously that was great.
Breeman: I know. ::Smiling weakly. It was all he could do to keep his emotions in check.::
::He'd left engineering as fast as he could. A short time later he
saw Ralik coming from the transporter room. You're supposed to be his superior. Yeah, some superior. No! I don't want to hear it.::
Breeman: oO Keep it together! Oo Hi
Breeman: Yeah, it's fine. I'll take over for you. Thanks for handling this ship.
::And he entered the transporter room, trying not to look at the
transporter chief, still afraid that the latter would see that Kevin really felt
scared. And, just as the transporter beam began to take him, Kevin's simulated
mentor started up at the back of his mind again. Come on man! I'd have been
scared too! Apone was scared.::
::The blue glow enveloped him and he tried to imagine that he was
becoming someone else. He tried to spot the exact moment in time when his
psyche disappeared as his molecules and atoms were disassembled. But he knew he
couldn't do it. It would have been a contradiction in terms.::
oO No, you're stuck with me. Oo
::B floated there beside him, the entity having no idea what was
going on inside Kevin's mind.::
((Corridor – USS Independence-A))
B: Aren't you going to sickbay?
::Kevin ignored the question afraid to speak for fear of the
emotions overtaking him. He would have to 'equalize the pressure' as he liked
to call it, before he went anywhere or did anything. He would have to confront
these raw emotions and let them explode out in private so they wouldn't do it in
The door to his quarters slid open and Kevin stepped in with B in tow.
::He would need to be brave. Usually he did this in private, but B
was here now. Treating the excess fear and shame like so much puss to be got
rid of from a wound, he sat down on the bed and cried for several minutes.::
::He fixated on the emotion driving himself into a cycle of sobs.::
B: Kevin, what are you doing?
::He was sitting there on a bed beside a yellow ball with a black
smiling face on it. The image of himself seated there crying with that thing
floating beside him made him start to laugh.::
B: Kevin you have to get to sickbay.
Breeman: ::Wiping tears from his cheek with his uniform sleeve:: I know. Hang on.
B: What are you doing?
::This was humiliating. But no, it was a coming of age.::
oO That's right. Let B test you. Oo
Breeman: I'm crying. It's a response to emotions. I'm doing it here so I won't do it later on.
::It felt odd to be giving such a clinical explanation. He
remembered the pretense of ignorance toward emotion his grandfather had
demonstrated so often. His diary had been filled with treatises on emotions and
their inexplicableness, all these serving as large meshes of rhetoric covering
over his discomfort with his own.
::He was feeling better already, calmer. He would have to
apologize to Ralik for having been rather emotionless with him.::
((Short Time Warp – Back in Breeman's Quarters))
::He'd gone to sickbay and a while later returned again to his
quarters to clean up for duty again.::
::Leaving the sonic shower Kevin was confronted with the two smiley
Breeman: Guys, I'm glad you helped. 8, you did great. B, thanks for saving my life.
8: Thanks, Kevin!
B: Yeah, thanks!
Breeman: But I have to put you in containment for now. I need to get this ship back up and running. But after that... I want to write a paper on you guys.
((Present – Engineering – USS Independence-A))
::Kevin wondered if crying in private had been a good idea here.
He still had not yet addressed the fact that he was having a difficult time
actually allowing other people to see that he was afraid and not ashamed of it.
Private catharses would not be as effective as a professional opinion.::
Breeman: -^- Breeman to Ehlanii.
Ehlanii: -^- Response?
Breeman: -^- I would like to book an appointment with you regarding the last away mission.
Ehlanii: -^- Response?
::Having settled that, Kevin looked down at his padd again,
glancing over the toroid temperature levels. It looked like the casings needed
a coolant refit in main engineering. And then there was the matter of the port
PTC relay. There was a genuine risk of that exploding if they tried to return
to the station at full warp. Once Ralik returned with the crew he would need to
organize a meeting and---::
Brice: Lieutenant Breeman!
::Glad to see the chief of engineering back again, Kevin breathed a
sigh of relief. It would be good to get back to a smaller workload once he
rotated back to active duty three days from now. At the same time, he felt
terrible for giving up the post and throwing all that workload over to Brice.::
::Brice and Kevin shook hands, the latter feeling now like someone
who could identify much better with the man.::
Brice: I got your reports; anything I can help with?
Breeman: But sir, I thought you were still on medical leave.
Brice: Three days left but it's an extra pair of hands on deck. Can't hurt to use your resources and you're still the Acting Chief of Engineering until I'm cleared for duty.
::Kevin nodded and smiled as Brice clapped his hands together.::
Brice: So, where do you need me, Chief?
Breeman: Thank you sir. Well we need to get the port PTC stabilized before we return to DS-17. There's a 27% chance that it will fail en route.
Breeman: Exactly. So I will need you to get replicators queued with more of it.
Lt. Jg. Kevin Breeman Engineering Officer (Soon to resume being a regular engineer rather than ACE) USS Independence-A
I wrote this story arc of displaying of emotions after realizing that Breeman presented a good opportunity for me to explore and portray for anyone interested the way a more cerebral person might face the challenges of emotional display particularly after a trauma. Breeman is a character who knows a lot in his head but perhaps lacks the common sense that good behaviour can give.
So I wrote up this story arc maybe to help people who are in the same position as Breeman (really smart nerdy kids or grownups however the case may be) to learn that it is okay to express themselves after traumatic events.
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