Columbia Shoreleave Logs Pre-2395
These are the shoreleaves of the starship Columbia,
Shoreleave Log, Stardate 239109.22:
Once upon a stardate dreary, while Admirals pondered, weak and weary,
Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten logs,
While some officers were yapping, drinking till their brains were napping,
Others gathered with their leaders, spending time with ancient breeders,
Each one watching Jurassic feeders appear amidst the holo rocks.
"They are holo," Kit did utter, "feeding near the holo rocks,
But they're nibbling on my locks!"
As the squint's long hair was bitten, as this shoreleave log was written,
Many did find that they were written, written in the Captander’s book.
Explorer’s Ribbons each had earned: Brek, Kizito, and Cross first learned,
Then to Ian, Ceilidh, and Brice we turned, hearing of their gallant deeds.
Heard we also of brave Tatash and Washburn’s glorious and gallant deeds;
They were Life Savers by their deeds!
And now for something completely different (in style)! At the end of the mission, Ens. Connory vanished into a haze of drunkenness, only to emerge under the blue leg of an unknown Andorian woman. From there he reclaimed his clothing and added a service ribbon to it. Lieutenant’s Silveira and Taybrim, like everyone else who’d been to Avronis, earned Explorer’s Ribbons, but then Livingston adorned their uniforms with more new shiny things, as he had done to Kizito (now a J.G.), making Silveira a Full Lt. and Taybrim a LtCmdr. Then, suddenly realizing that by Taybrim's promotion he'd cleared up all question of who was most senior in the tumultuous Science department, Captander Livingston quickly pulled the man aside, exposing his desire to make the Betazoid his Chief Diplomatic Officer, thus retaining the wonted confusion in the Science department and proving to all that the Captander firmly believed the old adage, "Keep the squints clamoring for the top, and you'll never have to read a boring science paper again." (What? That's not a thing? Well it should be, 'cause it's probably true... maybe... or not. Either way, I definitely need to work on the phrasing...)
Then, outside the prehistoric fantasy, the Cat asked the Lizard on a date... which turned not to be a date, but rather an introduction to her sister, who was not a Cat. This confused the Lizard, who hadn’t wanted to date her... until he thought he was and then realized he wasn’t, and so found that he was sad to remain as he had been and now hoped beyond hope that his allergies would become an ever more troublesome problem just so that he could enjoy more of the Caitian's jokes.
And before any of this happened (Well, except that first Connory bit; that happened at the same time as the following... and lasted longer, though seemed to take no time at all, since Ian doesn’t remember any of it.), Sil and Sal talked of love and ladies and reputation and humiliation. It turned out that Sil may have a child but isn’t welcome in the Andorian three-some or four-some that is now rearing said child. And Sal is worried about Sil’s dating his childhood friend the uber-telepath who can barely keep from brain-flooding everyone around her (...which makes you wonder how Starfleet incorporated that particular fear into her entrance exam, doesn’t it?). After that, but before the Jurasic Park incident, Karynn smelled the roses (and sundry fauna), because she knows that life moves pretty fast, and if you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it (...plus she's pregnant and was feeling very emotional on the bridge, so she needed to mellow out).
At any rate, their day and a half shoreleave was just long enough for them to receive a replacement bridge officer in the form of Jim Kolk, former destroyer of Ithassan worlds, who confused the Gorn, impressed the Captander, and hopes to improve the transporters. Meanwhile, Kit hopes to take a back seat in the Science labs so he doesn’t have to watch any more random aliens get killed.
And then there was the one about the fat [[Brek|Ferengi] whose grandmother accused him of getting thin for a woman, so he ran away from her. He was having a particularly non-Ferengi day. First, he agreed to take a less than exorbitant cut of Lt. Kolk's holo-novel profits, then passed up the delicious beauty of consumerism and enticing call of a bulging bacon banquet burger, only to instead slump onto some half-chairs in a Japanese restaurant and eat sushi! Starfleet Intelligence is investigating the possibility that he may be a Romulan spy who has replaced LtCmdr. Brek with a clone who was insufficiently briefed on Ferengi culture.