SIM:Birth of Mark

((Sickbay, USS Victory))

::There weren't many crates to inventory and put away, so Kali started in on the project with the intention of getting everything put away before the CMO arrived to oversee the new crewmen. She stepped towards the first box when the EMH appeared on the other side of the stack.::

EMH: Please state the nature of...Oh, Hello there. ::He cocked his head to the side and drew closer to the boxes.:: Who are you?

::Kali stood and blinked for a minute, unsure of what to say. There was, in fact, only one thing that she was sure of at that moment; she was quite sure that the EMH was *not* supposed to act like that.::

Nicholotti: I'm doctor Nicholotti.

::The EMH stood and backed up a step.::

EMH: Pleased to me...

::As the image of the holographic doctor faded, confusion etched itself across her face.::

Nicholotti: ::Muttering.:: If that wasn't the strangest thing...

EMH: What's strange?

::Kali jumped and spun, landing in a defensive stance facing the EMH that had appeared behind her, but the hologram faded once more. She stood there, in one place, for the next few minutes. Scanning the room, she found nothing out of the ordinary. When the hologram did not reappear right away, she stood back up to her full height and sighed.::

::One of the things that she hated more than anything was wasting time. As of that moment, the EMH was costing time and being highly annoying at the same time. The urge to punch him in the face was nearing the overwhelming stage, but she knew that he was only holographic, and punching him would do nothing. Sighing, she put her mind back on track and got to work.::

::Finally getting around to opening the first crate, Kali set quickly to work. Whatever was wrong with the EMH had cost her time on top of being annoying. She made a mental note to report it to Engineering as soon as she was done. Taking the last vial out of the first box, she placed it on the shelf and turned to move on. A voice broke the silence of the room.::

EMH: That doesn't go there. ::He picked up the vial and dropped it on the ground.:: It goes there.

Nicholotti: What is wrong with you? Run a diagnostic or something. ::Kali reached down to pick up the vial.::

EMH: Diagnostic complete. Results: I'm a doctor, not an ENGINEER...::He rolled his eyes before fading once more.::

::Exasperated, Kali moved towards the CMO's office. Just as she reached the threshold, the EMH appeared in front of her and she had to jump again to avoid running into him.::

EMH: You need to loosen up. Have a drink! ::He poured an imaginary bottle into an imaginary glass and held it out to her.::

Nicholotti: Get out of my way. ::She had reached the end of her patience.::

EMH: Tsk tsk. You haven't finished your job. ::He disappeared only to phase back into existence near one of the shelves of supplies.:: This goes here.

::The EMH proceeded to dump anything within arms reach onto the floor. Kali gasped and scowled at him before slapping her commbadge.::

Nicholotti: =/\= Sickbay to Doctor Malcolm. =/\=

Malcolm: =/\= Malcolm here =/\=

Nicholotti: =/\= I need you in sickbay as soon as you can be here. =/\=

::She recognized Nicholotti's voice and was a bit concerned with the other doctor's exasperated tone.::

Malcolm =/\= Is there a problem?=/\=

Nicholotti: =/\= Something is very wrong with the holographic doctor. =/\=

::The EMH appeared in front of her right then and leaned in towards her chest.::

EMH (to malcolm):=/\=No it's not. Everything is fine here. We're fine. We're all fine, here now, thank you. How are you? =/\=

::Kali pushed him away and the image faded once more.::

Nicholotti: =/\= I think I'll call engineering too. See you in a minute. =/\=

Malcom: =/\= On my way =/\=

::Kali looked at the contents of the shelves now resting in various directions on the floor. The sheer time wasted was testing the final nerve she had. She silently hoped that it was something that could be fixed quickly, because they couldn't operate effectively with a crazy hologram running amuck.::

Nicholotti: =/\=Sickbay to Ensign Tali. =/\=

Tali: =/\= Ensign Tali here. Go ahead. =/\=

Nicholotti: =/\= We seem to have a broken holographic doctor. Can you come take a look at it? =/\=

Tali: =/\= Certainly Lt I'll see you there. =/\=

Nicholotti: =/\=That would be great. It's really bad, so the sooner you get here, the better. =/\=

Tali: =/\= Understood. Tali out. =/\=

::As the comm link closed, the hologram appeared again on top of one of the biobeds. He slowly flapped his arms and moved his head much like that of an earth chicken. To her side, the doors to sickbay opened revealing yet another doctor.::

Nicholotti: Watch out, the EMH has just gone insane.

::Kali wasn't afraid of him, but she was highly annoyed at the situation. Her cynicism shone through the sarcastic and condescending statement.::

Ijinia: Oh come now, everybody is just a little bit insane.

As if on cue, he jumped down from the biobed and made a show of tiptoeing towards the ensign.::

EMH: Hello. Perhaps you will be more fun that the tall one over there. ::He laughed and jumped back, holding his hand out to her.:: Care to dance?

Ijinia: Ah well I don't exactly know how....

EMH: Sheesh, all of you are so...::The image faded again.::

Nicholotti: Sorry. ::She frowned.:: Dr. Malcolm and Engineering are on their way.

::Kali leaned back on the wall and waited for everyone to arrive, hoping that her patience would last that long. Once again the EMH appeared and sat on one of the biobeds strumming an imaginary guitar while singing 'The Wheels on the Bus'...::

::Jen entered what she had expected to be a well-stocked, organized and relatively empty Sickbay. The room was relatively empty; however it had taken on the appearance of some deranged kindergarten, with supplies strewn across the floor, and the EMH perched on a biobed singing a child's tune. Nicholotti completed the picture, looking for all purposes like the haggard teacher::

Malcolm: Dr. Nicholotti?

::Before the other woman had a chance to respond the EMH noticed her and hopped off of the bed::

EMH: oh dear! You certainly are sick!

::Jen watched in stunned fascination as the EMH skipped across the room to her. He grabbed her face in his hands and peered into her eyes.::

EMH: ::shaking his head:: yes, yes. just awful. ::pressing his thumbs into her cheeks:: and I've never seen such bad skin!

Malcolm: ::looking over at Nicholotti while still in the hands of the EMH::: I see what you mean.

Nicolotti: He just gets worse.

::The EMH released her and skipped across the room again to the medical supplies. He began organizing them into little pyramids while humming 'Happy Birthday' to himself.

Malcolm: How long has he been doing this?

Nicholotti: For about a half hour now...or, since I got in this morning.

EMH: You know, you could've wished me a happy birthday. I would only be polite! ::He slid a hypo across the room:: Here, I think you were looking for this.

Nicholotti: How about putting it where it belongs? Would that kill you?

Malcolm: ::taking a tentative step toward him:: Um, why don't you put those back where they belong?

EMH: Oh for the last time...THEYAREWHERETHEYBELONG! ::He phased out for a moment.::

::Jen retreated back toward Nicholotti and Ijinia.::

EMH: Please state the nature of the fashion emergency. Geez, you all should get out more. You all have the same thing on. ::Throwing his hands in the air, he retreated to the other side of the room.::

Malcolm: well, let's just hope no one comes in for a physical.

::Kali half laughed. It would be their luck that this had to happen on the day that they were receiving most of their crew. She was sure that there would be plenty of people in for their physicals sometime soon. She silently hoped that Ensign Tali would be there soon. The EMH dissolved once again and poofed back into existence in front of Malcolm.::

EMH: What? The more the merrier. I like my sickbay full of people.

Malcolm: Sorry to disappoint you, but this is my Sickbay. And I prefer having the equipment where we aren't going to break our necks on it.

EMH: It doesn't matter how you like your sickbay, because this one is mine. ::He put his hands on his hips and glared at her.::

::Jen copied his pose::

Malcolm: No, it's mine.

EMH: No, it's mine. I was here first. I claimed this area of the ship in my name. I'm sure I have the deed on holotape somewhere if you would like to review it.

Malcolm: :::huffing::: I can't believe I'm having a fight with a lunatic hologram!

EMH: I called dibs. It's mine. That's it.

::The holographic image retreated to the other side of the room again ignoring anything else she said.::

Nicholotti: It's like fighting with a brick wall, only he talks back. ::She sighed.::

::Turning, Kali began to clean up part of the mess that had accumulated near the bulkheads. The EMH seemed content to practice handstands against the wall near the far side of the room while the three doctors stayed relatively close together on the other side. It was odd to her, that suddenly their EMH would be on the fritz. Still in the end it would probably end up being a spec of dust on some super sensitive chip that was positioned far inside the center of the ship. That's how it usually worked in the military anyways. She smiled. At least life in Starfleet never changed.::

::Lost in thought, she didn't realize that the holographic doctor had come up behind her and began pulling down what she had just picked up. He bumped her while he was moving from the shelf to the floor and she spun towards him again.::

EMH: You know what? I am really getting tired of cleaning up after you people. I think you should respect how I want my sickbay.

Nicholotti: But it isn't yours you moron. You are a hologram, search your memory banks for information on that.

::She stopped picking up the floor and simply stood with her hands on her hips.::

EMH: Right. Me hologram, you, homo sapien. Very good. Our next class will be on alien species.

::Kali half growled, half roared at him in exasperation. Not only had this tested her nerves, but it seemed to have no end. She retreated to the alcove near the entrance and leaned back against the wall to await the arrival of their engineering friend.::

::Jen walked over to a computer console::

Malcolm: Why can't we just turn him off?

Nicholotti: Because he just comes back.

::It seemed his phasing in and out was totally random thus far.::

::The EMH phased into appearance beside her and pinched Jen’s sides, causing her to jump and yelp as he tickled her:::

EMH: Well, Miss Smarty Pants! I see you learned a few things in your medical classes. But I think you should just stay away from my computer

::Jen raised her eyebrows and wondered if she should bother arguing with him until she was spared by the arrival of Tali::

::Elya arrived and looked in disbelief at the EMH, who was currently attempting to jump between two rather distant biobeds. Despite repeated failures, he was constantly reappearing on the original bedto try again. Looking around, she spotted Kali and Ijinia leaning impatiently against the wall watching this spectacle.::

Tali: ::setting down her pack:: Hmmm... I thought by "broken EMH" you intended to say a holo-emitter as malfunctioning, or something to that effect.

EMH: ::materializing just over Elya's shoulder:: I don't believe we've met - it's a pleasure to meet you - who are you again? ... Do you enjoy dancing?

::Elya flinched away from the hologram and walked over to a console::

Elya: That's strange, the holographic matrices appear to have been severely damaged four or five times over the last few days... ::Elya hesitated, noting that one of the inexplicable events coincided almost perfectly with the admiral's disappearance.:: I would suggest that someone has been tampering with the EMH, but the modifications seem entirely random. It's impressive programming that the EMH's matrices reestablished at all in fact.

EMH: Why thank you I pride myself on ...

Elya: ::ignoring the EMH and turning back to Kali:: Unfortunately I don't think repairs will be possible in this condition... our best option until I figure out what is happening would be to revert him to a few days ago before this started.

Malcolm: If he'd let us get near the computer.

Nicholotti: If only. ::She sighed as she looked out across the mess throughout the entire bay, and the hologram that was only getting worse.::

::Jen sighed and leaned against her elbows on a biobed. The EMH had scolded her several times for smudging up the bed’s surface, but finally got distracted by trying to remember the second verse of “Good King Wenceslas.” She had been denied access to the CMO’s office, which was now hers, but the EMH claimed was his. He pointed out that the obvious meticulously ordered feng shui of the room was his design and if she entered it would be thrown off. She was watching him adjust a sensor array above the biobed beside her and was beginning to wonder if he was capable of pulling it down.::

::TJ and Scott chose that moment to walk into a Sick Bay::

Stryker: Is this a bad time?

Malcolm: ::Jen looked over at the new arrivals::: Oh hi, are you some of the new ensigns that need their physicals?

Stryker: No I am the new Counselor, Doctor Thomas Stryker, TJ for short. ::Looking at the EMH::

EMH: Oh Great a Quack, Another waste of what could have been a great doctor.

Stryker: ::Turning away from the EMH:: Ensign Shepard and myself need to be checked in.

::Jen left her post at the biobed and crossed the room to them, keeping a wary eye out for the EMH who had phased away again::

Malcolm: Well, let’s give it a try. I’m not sure how far we’ll get with Psycho running around here, but I’m sure Jaxx wants you cleared for duty.

Stryker: ::Smiling:: I would be glad to come back really.

Malcolm: You may have to…

::The EMH phased in front of him::

EMH: whats your hurry? we will be having tea and a few... Yes Tea.

Malcolm: If we’re having tea, shouldn’t you start replicating it?

::whispering to Stryker and Shepard::: Maybe that will keep him busy long enough for us to get the exams over.

EMH: Look, missy. Don’t tell me what to do. And who said you were invited?

::He wandered off and continued to sing the Christmas carol::

EMH: good King Wenceslas has looked out, on the feast of Steven…

::Jen gestured to the biobeds and smiled at the men::

Malcolm: Gentlemen, if you please. I’m sorry about the chaos, the EMH has some king of glitch, and we haven’t figured out what to do about it yet.

Shepard: ::smiles:: I didn't notice.

::She went to retrieve a tricorder, but of course, it was no longer where it should be::

Malcolm: :::checking the floor:: guys, if you see a tricorder anywhere, let me know….

::She waded around the piles of supplies::

Shepard: ::spotting it:: I found it. ::points:: It hanging by something above your head Doctor

Malcolm: Oh, thanks.

::She patted the biobed and had Stryker hop up on it::

Malcolm: ::running the tricorder over him:: I’m Dr. Malcolm by the way, I don’t think I introduced myself. I guess we’ll be working together.

::Suddenly the EMH phased into existence next to her and peered over her shoulder::

EMH: Hmmm…you’re technique isn’t too bad. But, you’re ignoring something very important.

::Against her better judgment, Jen glanced behind her at him.::

EMH: He’s got the measles.

Jen: No he doesn’t! He’s in perfect health. Stryker, you’re cleared.

EMH: ::shaking his head:: pathetic. Letting sick people run around the ship. The Captain will hear about this.

::He turned to Shepard and narrowed his eyes::

EMH: What are you looking at?

Shepard: Well, you.

::Jen rolled her eyes and beckoned Shepard forward. She ran the tricorder over him, feeling the EMH’s eyes on her as she did so. He had apparently decided that he would be taking on the role of a teacher::

EMH: You should adjust the tricorder for his height.

Jen: What possible difference would that make?

EMH: ::plucking the tricorder from her hands::: Here, let me show you

::He punched a bunch of random buttons and handed it back to her. The tricorder erupted into song, playing “Rubber Ducky”

Jen: What…? How did you do that? I didn’t know tricorders could do that.

EMH: ::patting her head:: learn something new every day, now don’t we?

::He phased away again::

::Jen furiously tapped buttons but couldn’t get the music to stop. She sighed and continued Shepard’s exam while the music played::

Shepard: So? Any Measles?

Jen: Ok, you’re cleared. Again, I’m sorry about all of this.

Shepard: ::smiles:: Don't mention it. Thank you for still seeing us. ::winks::

Jen: Next time, Sickbay won’t be so crazy, I promise.

::She scooped up the tricorder and turned it off. Something else for Tali to fix, but for now, she wouldn’t bother her with it. Getting the EMH repaired was way more important.::

::Jen watched as Stryker and Shepard hightailed it out of sickbay and away from the EMH, only to see another crewman enter and collapse on the floor. She hurried over, hoping to beat the EMH to the punch, but he managed to arrive at the same time she did::

Scarlet: Excus... ::That was the extent of his power of will and he dropped like a log on the floor, staying unnoticed in the mess.::

EMH: please state the nature of your emergency

::The man, unconscious, did not respond. Jen knelt beside him, and with a groan, pulled out the tricorder that was still merrily playing ‘Rubber Ducky’.::

EMH: Alright haul him out. If he’s too rude to answer, I’m not treating him.  ::He phased away::

::Glad the EMH had lost interest so quickly, Jen continued the diagnosis of the patient::

Malcolm: Looks like we’ve got a broken nose here, could someone help me get him to a biobed.

::Two nurses hurried over and Scarlet was transferred to the Biobed. The EMH phased back and forthfrom side to side of the bed, belting out “Beyond the Sea,” but chose not to interfere in any other way::

Malcolm: ::mumbling to herself::: Yeah, yeah. I’d like to ship you beyond the sea.

::After cleaning up his face she gave him a hypo of painkiller. She didn’t know his name yet, so patted his shoulder::

Malcolm: Crewman, how are you doing? Was there an accident?

::He looked as if he’d been in a barroom brawl::

Malcolm: I’m Dr. Malcolm. Let’s let that painkiller kick in, then we’ll work on fixing your nose

((Meanwhile, on the other side of Sickbay))

::The antics of the EMH were getting more and more chaotic as more people arrived in sickbay. It was going to be the busy day that she had anticipated, and there was nothing that she could do to stop the inevitability. She tried to move things out of the way to make room for more officers that had joined the fray. The doors swished open yet again, and another officer entered. Kali saw him fall and watched Malcolm jump at the chance to do something.::

::The EMH only bothered them for a moment, before moving on, and having grown almost used to the antics, Kali ignored him and the rubber ducky song that was playing on the tricorder that the CMO was using. She sighed. Cleaning this up was going to take a while, especially since there was now water and replicated mustard on the floor. The EMH had tried to create a Starfleet spa by dumping cups of replicated water on the floor. Then, saying that mustard had skin softening potential, he proceeded to dump cups of replicated mustard on the floor as well.::

::Already frazzled, she growled softly under her breath as the doors opened again. Two more officers entered, one wearing the colors of medical. Kali wasn't sure if she should cry or cheer at that moment, so she just turned to greet them.::

::Cala'tei had barely taken two steps into the Sickbay when she stopped, Kelly stopped in her tracks right behind the ensign. The place was a mess... and that was an understatement. Cala'tei looked around with a stunned look on her face... Dr Malcolm was attending a crew member over on one of the biobeds, with a tricorder that appeared to play a simple child-like tune; while Dr Nicholotti looked like she might seriously maim the next person that spoke to her. Dr Ijinia was on the other side of Dr Nicholotti, so she wasn't sure how she was... ::

::Suddenly the EMH appeared in front of her and Lieutenant Jg Archer ::

EMH: :: Arms wide in a as he greeted them :: Ladies! Lots of pretty ladies on this ship! ::within a few second Kelly could feel the EMH standing behind her lifting her pony tail, she spin on her heels just as he vanished again.::

Leote: .... Did.... did the EMH just smell your hair?....

Archer: Damn computer glitch, ill kick his …!

EMH: :: Reappearing :: You'll all look wonderful in your bathing suits! ::he jerked a thumb towards the crew member on the biobed :: He is not invited. Too rude. Wouldn't talk to me...

::Archer wasn't joking about the EMH, if It had been possible she would have knocked him out right there and then.::

Nicholotti: Don't mind him. He is really....harmless. ::The sarcasm oozed off the word as she said it.::

Archer: Such a shame!

EMH: :: Throwing his hands in the air :: You're all so RUDE! :: He struts to the center of the Sickbay with one hand on his hip. reaching the center he throws his head back with his other hand pressed against his forehead ::

EMH: I just CAN'T work in these conditions! :: he removed the hand from his forehead to wave it frantically in front of his face :: It's just SO hard! You keep messing up my feng shui, none of you will talk to me. I'm not a emotionless rock you know?!?! :: He paused... and grinned ::

EMH: That was quite good, wasn't it? I am trained in theatre you know!

::With that the EMH took off across the room attempting some sort of dance while humming to himself::

Leote: ..... Ummmm... ?

Nicholotti: We are having technical difficulties with our EMH. ::She gave the two women a look of desperation.:: Engineering is working on it.

Archer: Lets hope they can work a little faster!

Nicholotti: Anyways, what can I do for you?

Archer: It would appear I am overdue my medical

Nicholotti: A physical. ::She laughed.:: Feel free. ::She waved her arm in the direction of one of the biobeds.:: Just be warned, he hasn't been letting us get much work done lately.

Archer: well if he gets within 6 feet of my ill rip his holographic head off!

EMH: ::Popping in on the conversation.:: You both have the chicken pox. Yes, yes. very bad you see. Come sit over here and I will get the medication.

::He began rummaging on the floor for something that he couldn't seem to find.::

Nicholotti: Chicken pox eh? For being a computer, he's not very up on Earth history. Chicken pox doesn't even exist anymore.

Archer: I hate holograms!

::Kali was preparing to ward off the hologram when her badge chirped. Tapping it, she glanced over as the EMH seemed to dissolve from view. Worried that he might pop up again, it took her a minute to process what the engineer had told her.::

Tali: =/\= Sickbay, the holoemitters should be shut down is everything alright over there? =/\=

Nicholotti: =/\=Alright, yes, except for the mess. Thank you Ensign.=/\=

Tali: =/\= Alright, I'm going to show this data to science to see if they have any ideas. =/\=

Nicholotti: =/\= Sounds good. =/\=

::The comm link closed and Kali looked back at the two women.::

Nicholotti: I guess you can do that physical now. ::She smiled for the first time in hours.::

::As the doctors went about their duties, Kali began the process of cleaning up. There was water and mustard everywhere; half of their stock would have to be re-replicated. It would take a few days to fully recover from this. It was time she did not look forward to, but she got started anyways. The sooner it was done, the sooner she could be over it.::

TBC…

Collection of Posts By:
Lt. Kalianna Nicholotti (Lt. Ash MacKenna)
Ensign Jen Malcolm
Ensign Adani Ijinia
PO Cala’tei Leote (Ensign Tressa)
Lt. Kelly Archer (Lt. Cmdr Webb)
Ensign Scott Shepard
Ensign TJ Stryker
PO Scarlet (Ensign James Cooper)
Ensign Elya Tali