SIM:Lt.JG Jackford Kolk - Breakdown: Difference between revisions

((Twilight's Edge, DS17 - Stardate 238411.16))

<nowiki>::Jack lifted Addy back onto his shoulder and began leading her away from the table.::</nowiki>

<nowiki>::By the time Jack had heartily congratulated the Wacky Walkers, Addy was already back in her sleigh. Despite his general weariness, Jack couldn't help but smile briefly at the sight of her lying there. She still looked like a modern version of the Queen of Sheba.::</nowiki>

<nowiki>::He moved behind the hover-sleigh and began carting Addy out of the Twilight's Edge. The way she was positioned on the cart made it hard for her to look at him, and Jack was thankful for that. He didn't know when it had happened, but something inside him had shifted gears and he found himself not very interested in talking to Addy, and he was pretty sure he wouldn't be able to sleep any time soon either, no matter how tired he was.::</nowiki>

<nowiki>::He let the sentence die a slow death because there was no worthwhile way to complete it. He didn't want to go to his quarters; he didn't want to go to Jarod's quarters; and, most of all, he didn't want to go to hers. But he had no idea how to tell her. For each and every reason he could think to give, there was that nagging voice that said, "She just won't understand," and tonight that voice was louder than anything in him. Louder than his desire to understand Danny Wilde's anger toward him. Louder than his desire to be loved. At this moment, it was louder even than his desire to captain his own starship.::</nowiki>

<nowiki>::A part of him knew that she was just trying to help him, or at least to understand him. But the part that reigned right now just wanted to be left in peace.::</nowiki>

<nowiki>::He had snapped at her and he knew it, but he also knew that it wouldn't be the last time tonight unless he kept his mouth shut, at least until he got her home.::</nowiki>

<nowiki>::He didn't want to talk and he didn't want to fight about it, so he didn't say another word the whole way back.::</nowiki>

<nowiki>::Jack slid the hoversleigh toward Addison's bedroom in silence. When it reached the bed, he hesitated a few moments before moving around to lift her into bed. When he finally did, he clenched his jaw and tried not to look at her face, but... he saw it and his heart softened just a little.::</nowiki>

<nowiki>::He helped her off the cart and into bed much more gently than he'd expected to be able to. Something about her made it hard for him to stay mad at her, especially when it was just for a stupid reason like her trying to help him instead of leaving him alone. But he still knew he needed some time to himself.::</nowiki>

<nowiki>::The longer he stayed, the more unsettled he felt. His whole body was screaming so loud to get out of there that he almost felt sick.::</nowiki>

<nowiki>::He stomped off toward the exit, dragging the anti-grav unit toward the door.::</nowiki>

<nowiki>::At the door, he realized that all of Addy's things were still on the cart, so he stopped and tossed them all onto the sofa. He was only half aware of what he was saying as he called back to her.::</nowiki>

((Elsewhere, USS Ronin - A Bit Later))

<nowiki>::Another moment's hesitation and then he moved. Instantly he regretted it. The aches that he'd thought were bad enough all got ten times worse. But he'd started, so he kept going, turning his torso so he could lift himself off the floor much the same as he would if he were doing a push-up. He groaned audibly and closed his eyes more tightly for a second before opening them finally. In the darkness, he could see something on a tray nearby. Careful not hit his head, he maneuvered himself into a sitting position, still underneath the desk, and tried to figure out what it was. But he couldn't, so he got help.::</nowiki>

<nowiki>::Too much help. He quickly regretted the command and ducked his face behind his hand.::</nowiki>

<nowiki>::The lights dimmed significantly and it was much better. He could comfortably open his eyes all the way and see what was on the tray in front of him. There were a few insulated containers, obviously someone had left him food and a couple drinks, but what interested him most was the PADD. He picked it up and tapped the darkened screen. When it brightened, displaying the message, "You looked like you needed some comfort food. But I wasn't sure if you drank tea or coffee. -Cara Maria. P.S. Smile." Jack felt the tears he'd been begging for all night start to flow like rivers from both eyes. Nearly unable to speak because of all the fluids in his nasal cavities, he stumbled over the name, shocked.::</nowiki>

<nowiki>::He hadn't expected to be found at all, but if anyone was to come for him, he would've guessed Addy, but... Commander Maria? Thinking for a moment, he realized that she had the best likelihood of finding him, being empathic, but... He was shocked speechless... except for two words.::</nowiki>

<nowiki>::Opening the large container first, he found a warmish sausage roll and smiled. It smelled good. After he'd wiped his cheeks dry(ish), it tasted even better than it smelled. After half the roll was gone, he picked a cup, looking for the tea. He would've prefered milk (or chocolate milk) and he'd never liked coffee, but tea was much appreciated. When he'd finished the gift breakfast, he climbed out from under the desk and placed the tray on top. Taking the PADD, he saved the message from Cara in his files so he'd always remember this, then placed the tray and empty containers in his personal replicator and demolecularized them. Plopping in his chair, he slouched and sighed deeply, then wiped the last of the tears from his face.::</nowiki>

<nowiki>::He imagined he should probably start getting back to real life, but he didn't know where to start ...until he glanced at the PADD that still lay apart from the others on his desk.::</nowiki>

<nowiki>::There were a few Engineering messages, most likely saying "Nothing's wrong. Why don't we go somewhere to get shot up so I can have work to do?" etc. One from Sarah that actually made him laugh. It simply said, "Get your work done, or else..." He smiled as he typed his reply, "What work? There's nothing to fix and I did all my evals when we docked." oO ...while I was waiting for Addy and Jhen to wake up. Oo When he sent the message, a twinge of sadness slowly reclaimed his face as he thought of how Addy must be feeling. He checked the time and was sad to find he was far too late to meet her and Thelev for breakfast... and if it hadn't been shoreleave, he'd have missed half his shift already; good thing it was optional at the moment... He was such an idiot. How had he gotten like this? Looking back at the screen, he noticed the one message he hadn't been expecting. It was from the new counselor, audio. He played it and listened with a crinkly above his nose.::</nowiki>

<nowiki>::He checked the time code. It came last night, so it was unlikely, but he couldn't be sure. He sighed and looked at the floor. Ordinarily he would've just deleted the message and ignored the counselor's request. But after last night...::</nowiki>

<nowiki>::His voice had come out sounding far too much like he'd been crying. He had, of course, but there was no sense in letting the whole ship know it. He coughed to try and clear it, then tried again.::</nowiki>

<nowiki>::He was a complete disaster, and he hadn't even checked his hair yet. If he knew his hair, it would look like a Kazon had a bad hair day. And feeling the way he did right now, he wasn't in the mood to rush through a shower. He needed to give the hot water time to wake him up and wash the fear and sadness out of him, at least a little.::</nowiki>

<nowiki>::He stood sloppily and took a few slow steps toward the door, but then realized he'd forgotten the most important thing he'd meant to do  ever since breakfast. He smiled just a mite and slid back into his chair. Tapping a few keys, he composed a short message to be sent to Lt. Commander Maria right away. It simply said: "Thank you, Cara. Really." Then he left to get ready for real life.::</nowiki>

<nowiki>::Jack was just finishing getting dressed when the call came in from the Chief of Ops.::</nowiki>

<nowiki>::Jack sighed and half-smiled at the sound of  his friend's voice.::</nowiki>

<nowiki>::Jack smiled. Chocolate milk was always tempting, and a counseling session with a friend sounded infinitely better than one with an actual counselor. But, thinking back on how he'd woken up this morning, he knew he needed professional help, if only this once.::</nowiki>

<nowiki>::After closing the line, he finished suiting up and still had twenty minutes before his session. Now all he had to do was talk himself into going...::</nowiki>

<nowiki>::Although he was dressing in a crisp, clean uniform, Kolk still felt confused and scared. He had wrestled with himself about whether he'd even keep the meeting with Ensign Ehlanii, but the more he thought about it, the more he had to admit that he needed help. However, that didn't stop him from hesitating before pressing the door chime.::</nowiki>

<nowiki>::His voice sounded annoyingly shakey in his ears.::</nowiki>

<nowiki>::Karynn waited for him to continue.::</nowiki>

<nowiki>::He walked over to the seat and tried to sit in it, but he just couldn't get comfortable.::</nowiki>

<nowiki>::He looked at the counselor for once, actually looked, and she seemed to be interested but clearly just wanted to let him get it out, so he looked back at the floor (and the wall, and the desk, and the PADDs on the desk, and the leg of his chair, and... well, you get the idea) and continued.::</nowiki>

<nowiki>::He opened his mouth, but didn't know where to go from there, so he shut it again.::</nowiki>

<nowiki>::He glanced at Ehlanii again.::</nowiki>

<nowiki>::He didn't want to stay in the chair; he wanted to stand up and pace back and forth in the small room. But he wasn't sure if he was allowed to, so he just shifted uncomfortably again.::</nowiki>

<nowiki>::Karynn saw him shifting uncomfortably in his seat.::</nowiki>

<nowiki>::He stayed in his seat for the moment, but felt his muscles starting to relax.::</nowiki>

<nowiki>::Jack stopped pacing and looked at the woman. He hadn't expected that question, and he wasn't sure he wanted to answer it. But... he had asked for this. Taking a deep breath, he took a stab at it.::</nowiki>

<nowiki>::He considered saying more, but it was harder than it should have been.::</nowiki>

<nowiki>::Jack was tempted to glare at her, but instead he plopped down in his chair again.::</nowiki>

<nowiki>::Jack started shifting in his seat again. Jack knew he didn't have everything figured out with Addy, but it'd been that way for weeks and it hadn't affected his life... much. Well, okay so it'd affected his life, but not his career, which was what mattered. But last night was something completely different, and that did scare him.::</nowiki>

<nowiki>::Karynn smiled gently and thought for a long moment. Jack watched her, tentatively, wondering what she was going to say.::</nowiki>

<nowiki>::He knew that wasn't what she was after, but he was uncomfortable and stalling. Seeing her incredulous look, he tried again.::</nowiki>

<nowiki>::He had to think about that for a minute.::</nowiki>

<nowiki>::Looking into her eyes, he saw a compassion that truly comforted him. He liked this counselor.::</nowiki>

<nowiki>::Jack walked out into the corridor confidently, letting the doors slide closed behind him. Once they had, his shoulders slumped. He may have been feeling better, but he still didn't have a plan for the day. He looked both ways, thought for a moment, then picked one and started walking. One foot in front of the other...::</nowiki>

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