Dickens Personal log

USS Atlantis Log Entries

---

Return to Atlantis

Security Marcus Dickens Mission specialist Log, Stardate 239102.15 Computer, start record So, here I am, back to where I started, gods... it's like if I've been away for a whole life and yet, being back here, makes me feel happy and with a spark in me that makes me want to smile all the time. It's been some time since I've smiled that much, many problems, many issues, many responsibilities and... there's Vojana. what I'll tell her. Hello honey, how're you doing? remember that I'll write my request for a planetary transfer or to resign Starfleet, well, I'm headed now for an almost unknown part of space surrounded by a mysterious cloud that I started to chart and study about nine years ago... No, she'll kill me. I don't know, I remember my first days here and when I boarded it, I felt that it's calling me, as if she's in need of me and the other way around. I've not seen Vojana since we left the Avandar and that's beginning to worry me. I've tried to reach her three times now and she's always unavailable, If I can't reach her when we end this babysitting mission I might try to as permission to go to look for her and maybe check with headquarters about my transfer. Maybe it won't have to be to the same planet we'll live on, but at least on the same star system. This will make things a lot more easier. Computer pause. Resume. Well, for the moment the crew seemed to have merged well and I have to remind me that Caitians doesn't like chocolate, or at least to check with the database for appropriate substitute. That aside, it's somehow a relief not being the first officer of the starship as it saves me from a lot of paperwork and stress. Mission Specialist ... I've not been that since... let me think... first was the Tiger.... oh, yeah, since the Challenger-A, but at least there I was CSO too so this time I only have to do one job, so the better for me. The only thing I miss is ... having my own office. Oh, that commander Walker, she's lucky to have it. I hope she treat it well. Before we depart I intend to make another try to reach Vojana... Something's wrong here, and I don't know how it'll end.

First Officer Marcus Dickens First officer’s Log, Stardate 239108.14 Computer start record. It's been a while since I've recorded a personal log, but there's been a lot happening. We've met the Krayav and the Grenushi, they seem to be quite similar in behaviour, but somehow they've been at war for too long. Fortunately we managed to facilitate peace talks, even if that meant to a yet to understand, cloud species being used by them. We need to get back there and check how they're treated. Officers came and go, but there seems to be a core being made of what I'm part of and I'm proud of it... proud... I'm proud of what I do as an officer, but couldn't say the same about as a person. I've... left my wife aside for duty and she'd decided to leave me. So, I'm no longer a married man, what sads me, but what could I do? I mean, the only way to stay by her side was to leave Starfleet, but I just couldn't do it in a jump,... and she coudln't wait no more. Now it'll be futile to do it as she won't get back to me. So that's what I get, what I've stood for all this time. I'm a Starfleet officer, nothing more, nothing less. Maybe I should focus on my career from now on, but I can't avoid thinking about what my future would have been with Vojana by my side. Only time will tell what will happen in the future and how things will evolve, but right now my priority is my crew. They've dealt with a lot of things lately, including the EJS and a nasty virus that threatened to kill everyone. We've suffered looses, I'm particularly regretful for the loss of Lieutenat Phillips. He'd served with me on the Avandar and proved to be a reliable engineer and a trusted officer. I'll suggest Starfleet to give him a postume commendation after falling in the line of duty. I feel he deserves it. Now we're going to DS26 where we hope to relax, recover ourselves and make some repairs and re-stock. I hope that things settle down there but the crew,... and for me. End record.

USS Invicta Log Entries

---

Security Marcus dickens Security Officer's Log, Supplemental (Stardate 239301.22) Computer start record. Hi, I'm sure you know me so I'll skip the introduction. Lot has happened, and the reason I'm recording this is by the psychiatrist orders. They are of the opinion that if my mind wasn't enough troubled by 'you know what', the events of the phase change I suffered in the Apollo-A las summer could have left a mental scar that needs to be pulled out. Ok, here I go, I got trapped in a phase variance that made me intangible with most of the ship and all the people. I became a kind of ghost, able to see and hear, but not to interact with anyone. It pissed me of? Yes, I'm traumatized by that? Hey, I'm back, it's a experience, that's all, so I'll be ok. Ok, Ok, ... I've seen myu colleagues trying to find me, until they realize that it will be too difficult to find me so I was relegated as a second priority issue. Understandable, but... Listen, I'm not saying that they didn't care, only that... well, I miss Raj... and the Atlantis. We managed to make a family there,... on the Apollo I was just a high ranking officer. The vinculum was not made, so I felt a bit...alone. I know that there was Gina, T'Var, Varaan, Conti, Asmara,... But being stuck in engineering and considering myself partly responsible for what happened, ... if at least the captain have listened to me! I warned her that I was unfamiliar with the slipstream system and that we needed to do more checks! Oh, ok, listen to me, moaning like a first year ensign. The fact is that if I have had confidence in myself I'd have said no to Nicholotti and at least I wouldn't have been the direct responsible for what happened to me and the others. There was no ill intention, but that doesn't mean that I wasn't responsible for what happened and for that, I've been punished in purgatory. I loosed the ship that was my home, I loosed my wife, I loosed my friends... the only thing that is left for me is Starfleet and I hope that the evaluation commitee grants me to come back to active service so I can do what I do best. To be an officer, to be a scientist, to be a man and rebuild my life. End record.

Security Marcus dickens Security Officer's Log (Stardate 2393.06.11) Computer start record. It's strange, ... I've just come from talking with Washington and he's such a daring officer. He just said it, that he won't allow me to serve on this ship if I didn't came out for everyone, despite that I told him that Intelligence was who put my file under a level 10 clearance, he didn't hesitate to talk to the person in charge and face her. And eventually he get with his idea. I've been released from secrecy, most of it and now I don't know what expects me from here on. I'll have to tell my crewmates about that, some of them already know, like Raj, Della, T'Lea, ... but the others... they're a mistery. Hell, would they ever trust me when they know what I am. Who I really am? I've been bouncing between ships and planets many times in a short time. I wonder if the Invicta won't be just another stop on the travel. End log

Security Marcus dickens Security Officer's Log (Stardate 239308.15) Computer start record. This will be the last log of me as Marcus Dickens as I can now work as Kelrod. Following the insistence of Commander Washington I've checked with SFI and they told me that my existance is not a level ten secret anymore, so I've been able to tell everyone that I'm Kelrod, I'm the one in charge of this body and I'll be the one with whom they'll work from now on, or better said, the one they've known since I came aboard. It's a relief and at the same time a pain, because those who already know are free to talk about me finally, those who worked with me but didn't know... I understand they'll feel betrayed because I've been lying to them, well, it was Marcus, but it doesn't mind. The fact is that from now on it'll be me, Kelrod and I intend to make the maximum of every day. So, in behalf of Marcus, despite that I know he won't say it like that, so long and thanks for all the fish. End log